Monday, June 30, 2008
E X T R E M E
F A T I G U E.
I'm such a pig who needs its sleep terribly.
Will be gone till Saturday.
I need to S L E E P.
Y-A-W-N-S-!
Life is too busy.
I like it.
♥ much loves, 9:19 PM
Sunday, June 29, 2008
T.T
I suddenly feel like crying.Not from sadness.
Just feel overwhelmed.
L O L.
Randomness.
♥ much loves, 9:14 PM
Let's clap...again!
Hahaha, today my family went to eat at Let's Clap again.Yeapps, but we didn't eat any crab.
1. Sambal Kang Kong
2. Xiao Jie Lan
3. Tofu with Golden Muchroom
4. Prawn ____ ( Hei Zhou)
5. Fish
L O L.
It was okay.
Am at ZhengWei's house now.
Yea, after eating at Let's Clap, my father has no more money to pay for the electricity bill.
Hahaha.
Hmm, I did something very bad just now while coming up to ZhengWei's house.
Well, I was about to take the lift up and I saw two workers.
They keep glancing at me and talking in a language which I don't understand.
Apparently they were about to take the lift too, so I became quite paranoid.
I stepped into the lift and suddenly, in came a third worker but not the other two.
Being very stressed and paranoid, I promptly stepped out of the lift.
:/
The worker called after me but I just told him to mind me not.
Then when the next lift come, the other two went in.
>.<
Though I was very guilty I can't help but wonder why the three of them don't go up together 'cause they were from the same company.
Finally the first lift came down and I went up to ZhengWei's house.
Aiyer, I was very guilty 'cause they're Indians and I fear I'm being prejudiced.
Like, if I'm the worker, I'll be very sad.
" Why must I be judged?"
"Do I look like a pervert?"
These will definitely be the thoughts that'ld go through my head.
Haiyer.
Guilt-stricken.
Yet, after that lift incident I had in Sec1, I really do have a phobia of going into the lift with a stranger.
Especially fierce-looking guys.
:/
Grr, I really won't mind if it's an open area or what.
Yet, a lift.
>.<
It might had been just paranoia but, as quoted from XinFang, "Better safe than sorry!"
The weather is excruciatingly hot.
Irritated.
><
Shall go study while ChunHou and ZhengWei practice for their Chinese Oral.
Good Luck!
(:
♥ much loves, 1:50 PM
Saturday, June 28, 2008
TO: THE ROBBER!
Heyhey!I completed my tuition session.
Very happy, 'cause he's unusually attentive today.
HOHOHOHO!
Have to prepare a test for him.
T^T
To my special, dearest and the one who ALWAYS read my blog.
Thank you, and in response to what you have posted, I just want to shout, YOU ARE NEEDED.
By Miss Toh Jia Le.
I need you to rob me.
I need you to be there.
I need you to listen to me.
I need you to be the first I find when I feel frustrated.
I need you to sit by your class so I have someone to smile to when going for toilet breaks in school.
I need you to be in the canteen in the morning.
I need you to be the one who so calmly react to my craziness everytime.
I need you so I'll always have someone who accepts and support me.
Yes, and I want you to be there.
Personally don't mind 100% to listen to your woes and troubles too.
Hehheh!
(:
I just want to say, thank you so very very much.
My life without will be very horrible.
You make such a big difference.
Three cheers for you.
Cheer up.
I don't need you just so I can benefit.
I need you, simply, just because you are you, the greatgreatgreat friend I'll always want to have.
♥ much loves, 2:30 PM
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Ugh.
Ever felt very tired sometimes?Like, who will ever be there for you?
Sometimes it just feel like you've given everything.
Yet, nothing ever comes back.
Not even companionship.
Yea, I know I blogged about giving without expecting anything in return.
Yet, I don't that should be true about friends.
You just can't find a place to stand.
Just how important are you to her and how important is she to you?
By regarding someone with importance and yet, through little actions, found out that you are not as important.
It kind of sucks yea?
I'm caught,
in between,
once again,
without,
knowing,
what,
to,
do.
I stood there, looking on, at the people who passed me, including you, you and you.
One whom I tried contributing to, two whom I can fall back on.
Have I chosen wrongly?
Sometimes I can be so self centered as to think that the situation is so unfair to me.
Yet, standing in the shoes of both of you, I feel so sorry.
What the heck.
That's why I never feel that I am being very personal on this blog.
Because, at times like this, when I truly need to scream, there's no privacy to do so.
My deepest fear and insecurities is coming true again.
Help.
希望今天只是暗沉了一些，
明天的我依然会笑。
♥ much loves, 11:17 PM
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Thank you my dear.
An orange card by a very special girl made my day today.Thank you so very very very much.
:D
If I feel very dejected and stressed during this journey to Os I will take it out and read to motivate ownself!
(:
Heh!
I'm glad you clarify.
Really.
Hahaha, I can't imagine if that turned into a misunderstanding.
Thank you for taking the effort to ask, I know how much courage it took.
The worry that I will confirm your fear looming over you.
:D
Studied at MOS today with TingYan again.
Claps!
We are quite productive today.
:D
Despite all I have say, I can't help but sneak a glance.
You are still quite special.
No worries.
It will soon be totally over.
I need to focus.
Hahaha.
I believe getting onto the right track is difficult, but I will get onto it, by hook or by crook.
Moreover, once I get onto it, it will be smooth.
All the way.
Hah.
I like my life now.
Really very blessed.
Even though I'm not going home with YianLu and Patrina now.
Aiiii!
):
You two know my problem of not being able to study at home.
Hope will understand.
(:
BUT!
Find me if you two need anything can?
24/7.
*GRINS*
There's really no reason to feel sad actually.
There's always a brighter side to everything.
Always.
Don't be afraid of anything.
:D
I'm kind of having a mental block today and WeiLun also commented on that.
I just keep asking him weird question that just don't make any sense during the last few periods.
For example, I asked him, "Why SO4 2- ions? They form H2O what!"
Isn't this just so hilarious.
Moreover, after he gave me a face, i still stared back.
*1 second*
*2 seconds*
*3 seconds*
"EH! No hor, what I asking man."
Hahaha.
Somemore he asked me some simple daily question I will think for like 3-4 seconds before replying him.
L O L!
Then when Mr Osgodby and Mr Lim teach, I can only absorb half the substance.
So I kept have to ask WeiLun this is where, that is where.
>.<
Sorry babe.
Wasn't in the right state of mind.
L O L!
This entire blog is just randomness.
Hahahahahaha.
I just want to blog only.
(:
Goodbye, I see you all in school tomorrow!
CHEER UP FOR THOSE FEELING SAD.
If he can be happy why can't you?
Smile!
You're pretty when smiling.
♥ much loves, 8:56 PM
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Having fun while studying.
Went to BPP Long John to study with TingYan today.Well, do homework actually.
It's nice to have a study partner.
I've been finding for so long.
Alas, I found one!
Hahaha, it just appears that everyone around me just like to study alone.
:X
Anyone who can't find any motivation to study, feel free to approach me.
Welcomed to study together.
(Provided I like you well enough.)
Hah, but, I am still not exactly studying.
Shucks.
):
I like to enjoy studying, else little will get into my head.
:D
Anyway, let's start on ways to entertain ownself while studying.
TADA!
Demostration for endorsements!
Her and the ring.
Heh, in above picture, attention gets drawn to her eyes so I asked her to look away.
Much nicer.
(:
Me and the drink.
Me and the Chocalate.
Heh!
Unglam again.
I always never fail to be unglam with TingYan.
Crazy.
L O L !
Okay, all above are plain entertainment.
Hahaha.
Were bored when studying.
Yeapps, I guess that's pretty evident.
Tomorrow there's PE.
Happy.
School is tiring.
Like, I'm not doing much everyday, but I feel so tired.
Yet, it's nice to be able to see all the familiar faces around me.
:D
Every morning with LuLu is nice.
Hohohoho.
xD
Heh, chatted with Crystal during HMT class today.
:D
Spoke about blogs in general.
Heh, I think I'm not converting to private after all, it's too much of a hassle.
Let's just hope I'm thinking too much.
Well, let's see, I doubt much people will really be interested in what is going through this big head of mine.
So it'll be alrightyyy!
Haiyer, I noticed a very depressing trend.
Everybody only tag when my post is about love or whatsoever.
:X
Hahahahahah!
Coincidentally, I have something to comment.
Certain people always makes such a big fuss when entering a relationship.
It's actually no big deal yet they feel that they will seem so mature.
Yet, often, their little actions displays their immaturity and always leave others to question, "Is the love true?".
Hahaha, there's more to it, but shan't be mean.
Shall post about it if:
1. People want to know.
or
2. I feel like posting it.
Anyway, the superman-want-to-be I mentioned is indeed a superMAN, not a superwoman.
Don't misunderstand me.
It's not her, I am very very fine with her, which is greaaaat.
:D
Oh yea, I share with you all a very ironic experience.
In the past, when I had a blog, I always try to post in a way that I feel will interest people more.
As in, mildly, not bitchily.
Hah, and no good did it do for me.
Presently, in this blog, I just record in all my thoughts and it appears that poeple are more interested.
Funny, isn't it.
That's the way life is.
Don't try to fit into a place that is just so not right.
Be yourself, a powerful two-word phrase.
I'm glad I'm passed the phase whereby I try to find my place and footing.
The phase where I tried to act like a bitch, tried to have more friends, tried to do all sorts of stupid and foolish antics.
I'm glad, eventually, I'm passed the phase and not stuck there like some high-pitched yakking girl.
I truly am.
It's always nicer to be yourself.
Don't prentend, don't act 'cause you'll just lose the true self eventually.
Don't be afraid to just be yourself.
You will be appreciated by just being who you are, as you are born into this world as a unique being.
Irreplaceable and absolutely important.
The same for eveyone.
Tall or short, fat or thin, pretty or ugly, black or white.
The importance of you is infinite.
♥ much loves, 10:20 PM
Monday, June 23, 2008
It's over.
Aiyooo, sorry, I didn't post for so many days hence resulting in itchy fingers.:p
Hmm, I said I will only post thrice a week, so this'll be my last post.
Nah...joking.
Okay, I just want to declare that after a little bit of thought, I felt so ridiculous that I am liking someone.
1. I have so many things in my life: family, friends, studies, and my very ownself to care for so why should I waste my time on another soul who just didn't seem to be worth it.
2. I find liking
3. I am not happy, just felt quite miserable.
4. Simply not worth it.
5. I deserve better.
Sosososososo, I will not like anyone.
Hohohohoho!
Until I find someone that I really cannot do without.
Yeapps, I hear many going, " Aiya, you feel this way 'cause you never actually like him, yada yada."
My response is, good!
Well, simple enough.
If THAT was love, then I rather die.
Hahahah!
It's so not happy.
Love is a happy thing.
:D
So, ownself feel is passing fancy.
Hohoho.
It's over.
Tralalalal!~
YianLu, will you marry me now?
MuamuamuamuaMUACKS.
L O L !
Apparently I'm on the OESHD mode once again.
:X
Seriously, after I made this decision, I really feel so much more happier.
(:
Actually I came to blog 'cause I felt extremely frustrated as I can't concentrate.
My house is just so darn noisy that I feel like crying.
>.<
Blogging make me feel at peace.
(:
Considering to:
1. Make this a private blog.
2. Close down this blog.
3. Create another private blog and make this a patronising blog.
Opinions are appreciated.
(:
I feel quite vulnerable that there are unknown readers.
:X
Hmm, the thoughts here are really really really my deepest, deepest thoughts.
All the things that's going through my mind and my experiences.
My own ways of handling them and what I've realise.
So, quite personal and feel very exposed.
:/
Hahahahaha, again another controversial topic.
If that's this case what was my purpose of opening a blog?
'cause I'm to lazy to write a diary.
Trust me, I tried about 4 time, since young.
I succeeded...
...in failing after just writing 2 entries on average.
Such a wonderful job.
Heh!
Anyway, I am scared of O Levels.
I need to buckbuckybuck up.
Real urgent.
Yet, sometimes I feel so irritated.
My father talk to me about n-o-t-h-i-n-g except O.
Meanwhile, my mother watches the television with the volume so high up.
It's always nice to share, of course.
Yet, I don't want to listen.
Haiyer, actually, it's also not her fault.
Zzz.
So whose fault is it?
The darn stupid fool who invented examinations.
I am going to do a voodoo curse on him.
Bye.
Wait.
He's dead right?
No fun.
*SULKS AND POUTS*
♥ much loves, 9:38 PM
Photos.
The card we gave TingYan.Front View
Back View
The FLY board we made for XinFang.
XinFang and I
Pretty birthday girl
XinFang
Yours Truly
Manual alteration to photos.
The amount of food we eat.
37 items all in all.
:x
♥ much loves, 5:13 PM
I am blessed.
Okay, sorry for not updating, Blogger hates me yeaa?Just can't load.
ZhengWei too, I think Blogger hates daily bloggers.
Hoho.
20/06/2008
Drama-ed at mysoju.com.
Lost track of time and hence didn't post.
:X
21/06, my darling's birthday.
Though I never post on my blog to wish you a happy birthday, I hope you won't mind.
All that I want to say are all written in the card/ board we have given you, and those are all words from the deepest corner of our hearts.
TingYan:
I, really do want to protect you from all the dangers of the world as I really mean it when I say that your innocence is really irreplacable.
No matter how others see you, or how others are limited to only see the beauty you have on the surface, I believe your beauty extends all the way into your heart as that is the true you I love dearly.
You will be going off to a poly, if your choice sticks and by then, it is really the point in time when we will really head off into two paths that are quite different.
Yet, no worries, I will ensure that even if the paths are different, mine will just be beside yours, so I can hold on to you if you are about to fall.
As XinFang had told me before, "we can grow separately without growing apart."
Even though you have never told us your fears, we are aware, as that's what best friends are for yea?
It's okay for you to tell us about them anytime, anywhere.
Really, I do worry for you.
Yet, on the other hand, I believe in you.
Please don't stop believing in yourself, because you are Ong Ting Yan.
One and only in the world.
The very one that will always have a place in my heart.
You, are needed.
By me and more.
I love you.
Anyway, that day met XinFang at 430 to go to ZhengHua CC to sign up for a course.
Headed to her place to prepare for TingYan's birthday.
Only completed the whole DIY product by 11 'cause we practically talked about e v e r y t h i n g .
Last been alone with her is like last year, for TingYan's birthday too.
Hahaha.
Babe, thanks for everything too.
Your service, youghurt, kiwis and all.
:D
ZhengWei came at 9, and we went home together after that.
22/06/2008
Made plans as to where to eat with XinFang early in the morning.
Met her 12 noon under TingYan's flat.
Unfortunately, while we were setting up and waiting for her, we saw her father.
O.o
For the past three years when I waited for TingYan under her flat everytime we go out, I have never saw her family members walk past.
What luck.
Heh!
Yeapps, and her dad recognise us as I went to her house to stay over recently, on 11/04 to prepare for another babe's birthday.
:D
Anyway, though we denied being under her flat TingYan doesn't believe us so she didn't get much of a surprise.
BooHooHoo.
Started the day as not that bright as her mood wasn't pretty.
Fret not, there's us!
:D
Went to Suki Sushi buffet and TingYan actually didn't eat but succumb to temptation and hence joined in the fun.
We three eat a l o t.
In fact, we won a table of 4, three guys and one girl.
LOL!
Hmm, wasn't exactly pleased with the service, but the waiters are okay.
Overall, it was not bad.
Char Siew Bao vs Cha Soba.
Misunderstandings, tsktsk.
(Elaborated in next post.)
Went to New Urban Male as I lied to TingYan that I want to look at the shoes.
Keep urging her to find one she like and the colour she want.
Finally she chose one and tried on.
After seeing her contemplating whether to buy, quickly discouraged her.
LOL.
After leaving NUM, told the two of them I want to go to the toilet, while XinFang led her to the neoprint shop.
Went back into NUM and bought that pair of Havaianas she like.
(The saleperson think I went bonkers as I told him we'll buy it next time and I went in again 20 seconds later and said that I want the brown pair.)
Went into neoprint shop and showed TingYan her birthday gift.
(We actually lied to her her gift was a free handphone ornament which she actually believe and immediately proceeded to hide her disappointment.)
She was suprised.
Hohoho, for the first time since our tradition started there's someone who is surprised!
Hahahahahah!
Thumbs up to XinFang and I.
(:
Took neoprints and I sent them to the bus stop and made my way to Novena.
Went to meet ZhengWei at Novena Square to have dinner with YongZhi during his break.
Walked around with ZhengWei and went home.
23/06/2008
Woke up, read blogs and feel very blessed.
TingYan: Thank you for being appreciative.
XinFang: Thank you for just being there and am glad we are back together.
YianLu: Thank you for just coming back safe and sound from Genting( I wanted to type Geylang again) and not falling off from the roller coaster.
ZhengWei: Thank you for being hated by blogger too.
Crystal: Thank you for always urging me to post 'cause I know that you read my blog.
These people are bloggers and readers.
Hahaha.
Anyway, was just very touched by everything around me (sound so spooked).
Little things that I normally don't feel a thing for seem exceptionally special today.
I'm really apologetic, but normally at 4-6 am in the morning, I can't help but be a little more emotional.
Lol!
I am really very blessed.
I don't know how can I describe more.
Just knowing that I can make a difference in the lives of people around me make me so happy.
Am really over the moon.
If only you will take the initiative.
Don't grumble but reflect.
You will find that life is so much more sweeter.
I am very happy today.
Really really really very happy.
Suddenly, I just feel that everything seem so wonderful.
Though not perfect, I feel the solitude.
Like often, though you will feel happy over something, you will tend to feel that the thing is very fragile.
It will be gone anytime.
This time round, I feel that everything is so real, so within reach, so true, so fortunate.
I don't need time to stand still, I just want to cherish them as it is now.
(Photos up later.)
Oh, and I won't post so regularly anymore.
About 3 time a week.
So it's okay to just check back on the weekends.
Yet, if you have a phobia of long posts, don't come back.
Hahahahahaah!
(I'm surprise at who's reading my blog.
Silent readers please do tag, I'm friendly.
Really.
*SNARLS*
I mean it.
Hhahahaha.)
♥ much loves, 4:54 AM
Thursday, June 19, 2008
A cool "Maths" question.
Heh, ZhengWei sent me this.Three men go into a hotel. The man behind the desk said that the room was $30, so, each man paid $10.
A while later, the receptionist realised that the room was only $25.
So, he sent the bellboy to the three men’s room with $5.
On the way, the bellboy couldn’t figure out how to split the $5 evenly hence he gave each man $1 and kept the other $2.
This meant that the 3 mean each paid $9 for the room which is a total of $27, add the $2 that the bellboy kept, the total is $29.
Where’s the other dollar?
A while later, the receptionist realised that the room was only $25.
So, he sent the bellboy to the three men’s room with $5.
On the way, the bellboy couldn’t figure out how to split the $5 evenly hence he gave each man $1 and kept the other $2.
This meant that the 3 mean each paid $9 for the room which is a total of $27, add the $2 that the bellboy kept, the total is $29.
Where’s the other dollar?
Heh, cool eh?
Think, think and think.
Haha.
Solution
Let's track the money.
1. (10 x 3) = 30
2. (25 + 5) = 30
3. (25 + 3 + 2) = 30
So, apparently, the problem lies in [(9 x 3) + 2].
It's actually incorrect to say that the men have each paid $9 for the room.
True, the men each spent $9.
Yet, the $9 includes the room and the money the bellboy took.
So in actual, [(9 x 3) + 2], which meant, cost of room x 3 + money bellboy took is wrong.
It should be [(9 x 3) + 3], which means, (cost of room + money bellboy took) x 3 + (money taken back x 3).
Hahaha, sorry for randomness.
Laughhhssssss.
♥ much loves, 10:22 PM
Giving. Just giving.
Without fail, I always feel very touched when I witness someone sacrificing one's own needs for others.Really, this has been something which I hope to do but never really accomplish.
Regardless if the receiving end is a family member, a friend or just a stranger; regardless of how big or small the action is, the action itself never fails to be heart-warming.
Giving without expecting anything in return, have I really done it?
Sometimes, I will attempt to, yet, after a period of time, I just feel so tired, mentally and emotionally.
"I think he won't use it, but it's okay, I feel happy giving it to him," a friend replied me when I asked him about a birthday present which is rather costly.
I was very surprised, and at the same time, I can't help being in awe.
I fear that I am one who will render help only after judging and accessing.
The amount of help I am willing to render all depends on your relationship with me and how much do I have to sacrifice to help you, I'm rather sorry to admit.
Seriously, all along, I'm a practical person.
I always appear to be very mean to people I don't know.
Yet, seriously, all these are based on my principles in life.
I only treat those who are my friends nicely.
Well, the logic being, since you are no one to me, why should I treat you nicely?
It doesn't matter actually.
As in, I don't treat my friends kindly because I will gain something, but rather, since you are no one in particular to me, why should I do something to make you happy?
I rather spend the time making people who matters to me smile and be happier.
Well anyway, back to the topic of selflessly sacrificing.
As I said in an earlier post that I would wish to embark on a job to give in the future, I fear I would fail.
Somehow, when the going gets tough, I tend to become self-centred.
A very pathetic and sad fact.
To me right now, nurses are really angels.
Not so for doctors.
Though doctors are the mighty ones who cure the patients, yet in terms of rewards they are more heavily rewarded in monetary terms, in comparison to nurses.
Moreover, nurses are the one who do all the dirty jobs.
I really do salute them.
I can't help but wonder where they get the endless energy to continue on.
Troublesome patients, tiring schedule, night shifts.
It all sounds and seems so tough.
As in, with the job being so packed do they get their own time to do their own things?
A thought worth pondering...
Well, anyway, a few years back, I will do little acts to try to brighten the days of my friends.
Little acts that I, myself, thought that are worthwhile.
Yet, after a while, I will feel that these little acts are slowly taken for granted.
Then, I will not feel as happy doing them, lose faith and eventually stop doing them.
Now rather, I feel that it no longer matters if they feel it or not, as it's just worthwhile to help my friends, regardless if it is appreciated or not.
Moreover, upon reflection, I fear that when my friends do things for me, I might not have appeared to appreciate and I also take things for granted to.
It's only once in a while when our life is not so hectic will we pause and think.
Until then, we will never be aware of who the important beings in our life are, who cares the most for you and who matters the most.
Hahaha, take for example, our birthdays.
FLY will always try our best to surprise the birthday girl but honestly, the birthday girl is always not surprised, dampening the high spirits of the other two.
Haha, but despite this, I hope that this cute little tradition that we have created will stay.
I feel that no matter how not surprise the birthday girl feel, somehow, the thought of how the other two went to plan is just very warming to heart.
As in, there are people who don't celebrate and there are people who just go out and eat and call it a day.
The latter is not bad, as in, that's the regular way of celebrating.
I just feel that somehow, this is how we show that how the girl means to us.
The time we take to plan and do DIY things.
Though the end-product is always not very perfect and may seem foolish to others, but still it's how we give to each other.
Anyway, I think I'm starting to ramble, but I just want to say that I want to try to be someone who place others' needs above mine, considering that the person is worth it.
As in, I know that O level is coming, but, I will not become those who will start mugging, disregarding people around them.
That is totally too horrible.
I just feel that, the people around me are very important to me.
Too important and I cannot bear to lose them.
I can't live in a world with me and myself only.
I need them very much and to show my appreciation, I should at the very least try my very best to put their needs above mine.
It's just totally reasonable.
Somehow, all along, I'm not the best person to befriend.
It's been kind of them to stay by me.
Hah, so thank you.
I will try my very best.
I will contribute without wanting people to give back.
The main point is give.
Just give, without expecting anything in return.
Without expectations.
Not even one.
Well......maybe a "thank you"?
Hahaha.
:D
I'm quite sorry for all these long, long posts, but I tend to think when I'm alone at home.
Heh!
(:
Toh Jia Le will strive to be a better person.
One who will give willingly, expecting nothing in return.
♥ much loves, 7:36 PM
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Don't judge me for my actions.
You are not a superman.Don't make me feel worse.
If, in the first place, you jolly well knew that you wouldn't be contented with my explanation of why I didn't go for the farewell party, don't come knocking to ask.
I'm no wonder woman.
I err.
I feel that I've let my juniors down by not going, yet, we aren't very close also.
This is such a lose-lose situation.
If I had gone, I doubt I would have felt happiness as that just isn't the situation.
Anyway, enough of this, 'cause apparently I'd not gone and no matter how much anyone is going to judge/ hate/ dislike me for this, I can't do anything.
I just want to say, I don't like being judged.
Hah, well, who enjoys it?
For the entire event, I can only say I'm sorry.
With sincerity this time, but it already doesn't matter anymore.
(:
I'm not in my best of moods today, pardon me.
I hate these feelings of regret.
Yet, I deserve it entirely.
All because of a decision.
Just one teeny step taken wrongly.
Anyway, LimLuLu, I'll miss you.
You try to make out my face among the clouds over there yea?
<3
I miss you!
♥ much loves, 7:54 PM
Pictures (:
A day at NewYork.Three different kind of faces.
Food!
From top left, clockwise: XinFang's Crepe, my Long Island Salmon and TingYan's Fish and Chips.
Favourite picture of the day:
♥ much loves, 6:36 PM
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Apologies; Dreams.
Heh, yeapps, sorry I didn't update yesterday.16/06/2008
Had lunch with ZhiYing + FLY.
Wanted to eat at MOF but last minute we changed to NewYork.
The NewYork at Lot1 was nothing facinating or nice.
It was normal.
Food was far from best.
Yeapps, but had lots of fun and took many pictures.
Will update pictures when I get them.
:D
After that went to BPP MacDonalds to study with Amos and TengChin.
Amos was late, as usual and hence I sat at a table with only TengChin for awhile.
D:
Hahahah!
Yeapps, stayed up again.
D:
Hence, didn't update cause I wasn't around a computer the whole time.
Too busy and too tired!
17/06/12008
Slept at 6.30 am intending to wake at 7 am to go to school.
Woke and felt like dying and hence made a last minute decision with YianLu to give Band's Farewell Party a miss.
Feeling darn guilty, yet, it's like I'm experiencing ambivalent feelings which I currently do not have any idea of how to grasp and handle.
Some people asked me what about my section.
Yet, that's the problem.
The very pathetic fact that I don't feel the urgent need to see my section says it all.
The harm's done, I guess.
Hahah, I do not wish that I could have a stronger bond with my section, but rather be less affected that I do not have a sense of bonding with them.
I've not regretted choosing to sort of becoming an opposition party in band, and further more, she said, after band competition, we would all be like strangers.
She won't bother us any further.
Till this day, I feel sad that things have come to stand like this between her and me.
Yet, I doubt that any course of actions could alleviate the conditions now.
Moreover, all these seem a little pointless, trying to mend a friendship that had been on and off all the while.
Somehow, I've really lost the passion.
Perhaps, all along, this passion of mine for band is just so weak and fragile.
Perhaps.
All is fine with me now.
I don't even know whether to visit band in the later course of my life.
Band is not just band by itself.
If you go back, you have to face the instructors, teachers, the alumni and the current batch of students.
I've come to regret that I joined band, somehow.
Not a lot, just a teeny weeny bit.
About 5%.
Perhaps my life would alter, for better or worse I wouldn't know.
I guess once again, it's kind of meaningless to thnk about all these again.
I had thought that after band competition I would feel more enthusiastic for band.
Yet, no, once again, I'm feeling quite neutral.
I'm actually bothered that I feel so neutral 'cause by right I should be caring.
Hahaha, yet, I kind of still hate going to band and seeing everything.
Just everything.
Maybe I'm just being to biased and prejudiced.
Gosh, it's so not nice being in this situation.
I hope I'm not irked 'cause I'm blinded.
D:
Putting all these aside, I just want to say that I've been thinking and talking a lot recently about Polytechnics, JuniorColleges and dreams.
Well, what exactly is mine.
I don't know.
I just know that though I'm quite good at maths I will not go into maths cause working with figures all day long will drive me crazy.
I need a career which enables me to work with many, many people.
Humans are my main motivation in life.
I had once thought of studying design but realised the route has already been cut offf from my life.
I had once though of studying psychology but am afraid of being too technical with human beings and their feelings and thoughts.
Now, I think I would like to be engaged in the field of science.
I feel like working in a hospital.
I don't know why.
I feel like helping people, directly.
Once, I had thought of becoming a social worker, but face it, the pay is not satisfactory.
I am not as big-hearted as those people.
Though I have a passion to give, yet I feel that I might tire and feel so grumpy towards the job due to the unfavourable conditions.
In the long run, my drive and zest will run out, I fear.
Hence, I want to contribute to the society, mainly in terms of offering motivational aids and suport, in the best conditions so I can give my most.
That's all I feel right now.
Maybe, maybe.
All the possibilities in life.
Surprises and shocks.
What do I want?
♥ much loves, 8:01 PM
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Happy Father's Day!
Heh, a very HFD to my dearest daddy!:D
Heh, I think I'm darn mighty, I've not slept since yesterday 1o am.
So I've been awake for more than 24hrs!
Hahaha, was watching TheyKissAgain.
Then I lost track of time and watch till 6 am when my mommy woke up.
Then pa and ma went for work and I continued to 11 am.
Decided to go to sleep.
Promptly fall into bed and my brother shouted, " Get ready in 5 minutes!".
Then being the dumb girl I though it was just a normal Sunday lunch so I shouted back that I'm not hungry.
3 seconds passed and I began to fumble for my handphone checking the date.
It's PAPA'S DAY!
So dragged myself up and went to eat.
I assumed that we'll be eating in a hawker centre so dressed in fbt, OBS shirt and flip-flops.
End up we went to a restaurant (Let's Clap) at RailWayMall on a last minute decision.
><"
Wear till so casual and end up in a restaurant.
:/
Oh yea, the indigestion is back, with a bigger impact.
Had a on-and-off stomachache since yesterday, now having the runs.
Zzzz, my whole family has sensitive intestine.
D:
Anyway, Let's Clap was good.
The ambience is qute nice, the food is nice, and the price is reasonable.
Hahaha, not my problem also.
My sister footed the bill of 192 bucks.
xD
As I was eating, I realised that pa and ma has aged.
As I grow taller, they grow older.
Now, I've stopped growing taller yet they're still growing older.
Really, in life, there will always be this sudden jolt of realisation.
Thankfully, this reminder is still considered quite early as I have not been robbed of the opportunity to cherish both of them.
Sometimes, I always feel that they really very unlucky to have me as their daughter.
I'm born wilful, and it's really hard to change.
I've always been labelled " the most rebellious" among the four children my mommy have and that always irks me a lot.
Yet, this did not make me feel the need to change to an obedient kid.
Zzz, truthfully, the person I feel that I have let down most in my life is mommy dearest.
(I know it's Father's Day not Mother's Day.)
Hmm, never have I tried to understand her and now, I feel that the gap between us is so wide that it seems quite impossible to close it in.
As in, we don't have a cold relationship but neither do we have a very close one.
If time would ever go back, I would take back all the hurtful comments or remarks I've ever make.
If time would ever go back, I would never talk back to my mommy.
If time would ever go back, things might be much better now.
Regrets.
Don't let it happen again.
♥ much loves, 3:13 PM
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Good service. Right on!
- Woke up weary yet have to prepare for tuition.- Tuition was normal.
- Slacked.
- Out to Causeway Point with ZhengWei who was meeting JianKai.
- Met ChunHou, scared/ shocked/ stunned him.
- JianKai left after awhile to find his other friends.
- Accomapny ZhengWei to shop around for a birthday gift.
- Went Lot1 to continue searching.
- Home.
Hahaha, sorry, too lazy to post in paragraphs.
Oh yea, about the title.
ZhengWei and I experienced great service at The Wallet Shop and hence am very pleased about it.
Apparently, ZhengWei intended to buy a Myuk Wallet, So he picked the best among all the ugly designs.
Seriously, designs for Myuk wallet are really getting more and more ugly and patronising.
So I went around looking at girls' wallets.
Then, ZhengWei informed me that he's getting it so I just nodded my head and continued looking around.
Suddenly!!!
I saw a very very very very nice wallet, which cost 73 bucks.
Yea, but remember?
It's the much loved Great Singapore Sale.
Know what?
It has a 40% off.
So I wanted to ask ZhengWei to change his choice of purchase but sadly he completed his purchase already.
In the end, we went out of the shop but returned to ask the sales person if we could change to another wallet and top the balance.
She agreed.
Weets.
So nice of her.
So yea?
Visit The Wallat Shop at Lot 1!
Hahaha.
I saw a very nice wallet.
Shall get it after I save some money.
:D
So long.
I'm feeling extra lazy today.
♥ much loves, 8:57 PM
I'm on a HIGH mood!~
Hahaha, I missed one day of blogging!Awwww man.
Lol!
It has become a habit to post regularly.
(:
Hmm, along with Eugene, I went to Zhengwei's house yesterday (13/o4) to study.
Long time since I've been there.
Last been there is for an impromptu invitation to have steamboat with MrLiw, WeiLi and the Assholes on Chinese New Year's night and an overnight mahjong session, which I fell asleep without playing any game.
D:
I finally can check off buying new contact lens from my To-do-list.
Had been dragging and delaying it for as long as ever.
Gah.
:/
After studying went to meet WeiLun to chill at Plaza and have dinner, with Eugene going home after a while.
I'm overjoyed, it's been so long since WeiLun, ZhengWei and I hung out together.
I miss the days when those two were the pillars of my life.
Lol!
:D
We then went to a playground which we went to last year and chatted.
(:
Memories!~
Then ZhengWei challenged me to a game of hopscotch which I won in the end.
Hohohoho.
So childish, but really, it's good exercise.
Super sweaty after it.
:/
We lazed around at the playground, staring uo into the night sky till 230 and then home sweet home!
(:
Yes, I have something to tell the both of you.
To WeiLun:
(I hope you're reading this.)
I was not very close to you in Sec1 and 2 though we appeared to be and we also had a rocky start in Sec3.
But really, without you, my UpperSec life is true bullshit.
Hahaha, there were often times that I took you for granted.
Like being there to listen to my grumbles and complaints, and always be there to sit beside me in class.
I may not thank you everytime, but all these mean a lot to me.
Just having someone to walk with me from class to class.
Moreover, in many occasion, you were my listening ear, while I thoroughly failed to be yours.
Really, in my saddest moments in these two years, you were always there.
For this, it's already enough for me.
Hahaha, I think we have grown to rely on each other that once one is absent from school, the othere will feel so weird.
It's really very special, I feel, how we can become the best of friends now.
I am really, really thankful that you are here.
:D
You will be going off to a Poly, and I am not sure whether we will last.
Well, I will try my best to ensure that we do.
Moreover, I told you last time, friends come and go.
Though I hope that you will never fall under my "Go" friends, if that ever happen, I'm truly happy that we crossed path before.
These are all the things I seldom have the chance to tell you.
(:
A great big hug to you.
:D
To ZhengWei
(I know you're reading this.)
You, the first boy bestfriend I had in this school.
The first person I approached after I had my major friend crisis.
The first person whom I felt utmost gratitude.
The first person whom I always feel the need to defend.
Thank you.
We were bestfriends through your "emo-days" in lower secondary years and I guessed that made up our strong foundation for a true friendship.
Though we had since drifted apart, you will always be one friend whom I treasure dearly.
Hahaha, I'm rather sorry for all the troubles I've given you as you've experience the most terrible side of me more than once.
My fits and anger, my terrible temper and my snappings.
I'm sorry and I'm thankful.
I find it harder to express how I feel towards you as we are not the mushy-mushy type.
Shucks.
Hahaha.
Hmm, somehow, I always feel that you are the first ever true friend I made in this school though yours is probably WeiLun.
Hahaha, regardless of that, I hope that can explain how special you are.
Laughs!
Too bad you're going to Poly hur, I'll miss your cute
I bet you'll miss my cute
Hahahaha!
A hug and a kiss to you.
Kiss is to encourage you to brush up on your hopscotch skills!
Hahaha!
And yea, to both of you.
I really miss those days when we were in the same class, when we'll go home together after school.
The silly times when we'll just sit on the LRT for rounds and rounds.
We took very little pictures together, sadly.
You see, my face was too big to take a 3 person shot hur.
Lol!
Yet, I'm very happy with just that one neoprint we took together.
Probably one of the nicest I ever had.
(:
Yeapps, so you two are booked after O levels for more than one occasion when we three will just go out together.
Hahaha, and lastly I just want to say, I'm really thankful for you two 'cause I know I'm a girl and you two are boys.
Many said that it's impossible for a boy and a girl to become the best of friends without having a relationship and I'm very glad that we proved that wrong.
Hahaha, we didn't even like-like each other for a teeny weeny bit despite many people spectaculating.
Heh!
Yea, you allowed me to joined you guys while still treating me like a girl, like helping me carry books, bag and all the gentlemen acts.
To all these little gestures, I'm grateful beyond words.
Really.
<3
Going off to sleep.
Have tuition later!~
♥ much loves, 3:24 AM
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Love.
Heh, yeapps.A topic which everyone love.
Went Lot1 with Pat to shop and when going home we talked about BGR.
Oh yea, what a high topic...not.
Hahahaha.
Currently, at this point of time, I feel that having BGR is too consuming.
Not only now, but basically in your entire secondary school life.
Perhaps in Sec1 and 2, when we were all still little girls, we were very idealistic towards love.
Now, Patrina and I are really very realistic.
Lol.
I read somewhere that there are a few important people in your life.
1. The person whom you love the most.
2.The person who love you the most.
3. The person whom you end up with.
Unfortunately, most of the time all the above three people are different.
Beg to differ?
Think again.
When I first came across this information I was stunned.
"Are you sure?"
Yet, as horrible as it is, it's true.
Now, all the triangle love affairs come into picture.
What a shame.
):
I had once haboured dreams to have a wonderful relationship.
Yet, currently, I feel that I have no need for a boyfriend.
I have my family, my friends, school and myself.
It's really so busy.
Do I feel the need to sacrifice time on another human being?
Not so.
Hahaha, maybe you guys might feel that I'm saying all these is because I can't find a boyfriend.
Sour grapes hur.
Laughs!
Hah, just my point of view yea?
My reason for saying all these is just because I feel that everyone wants to grow up and experience love quickly.
Too quickly.
Where's the innoncence?
Hahaha.
Somehow, immaturity always spoils the beautiful picture in the end.
No matter how sure of your maturity level, it always seemed to be not sufficient in the end.
By saying all these, I'm not stating that I'm an anti-BGR person.
I just feel, someday.
The day will come when I feel ready, and it does not depend just solely on me, but the guy too.
Yea, hahaha.
So sometimes, I can't understand why some girls get so desperate for guys.
It's so crazy.
No, I also can't understand why some guys get so desperate too.
Craziness, what's wrong with having no boyfriends/ girlfriends.
o.O
Oh yea, my brother is back from Brisbane, Australia.
Know what?
He ate kangeroo meat hamburger there!
O.O
CRAZY!!!!
He said it's delicious.
On the way there, as my parents were talking to each other, and both my sisters at work, I sat at the backseat alone.
Hence I started thinking.
:D
I came to a decision, and am very proud of ownself.
I will stash you away in a little corner.
There's just no point.
You have your life, and I have mine.
Our are just two roads that intersected for awhile, and later went on on our own.
Maybe the roads are parallel, maybe they're travelling in opposite direction, I would never know.
Yet, upon saying this, I hope, one day, we may intersect again, or even joined.
For now, you have your dreams to chase.
I have my things to do.
So, that's that.
It's the time, I guess.
The lack of fate.
Hahahah.
You are worthy for me to sacrifice my time.
Yet, I doubt I'm worthy to become a distraction from your dreams.
我本想默默地做你的守护天使但却发现自己力不从心。
抱歉，但你不需要我却是个事实。
:D
Thank you LuLu.
No matter what you'll always be the first to respect and support my decision.
No doubts, no questions, just acceptance.
(:
Motto in life: Be comfortable with yourself.
♥ much loves, 11:37 PM
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Very touched.
Hehheh, thank you CHUAXINFANG.You just made my day.
:p
Oh ya, I have nothing to post about.
So shall be a post with pictures.
Hahaha, till I thin of something.
Tralalalal.
Okay, this is like ancient.
Hahaha, not only are we in Sec2 but is the start of Sec2 when we were sitting at the back of the class.
This is from Fiona's blog.
Hahahah, this picture remind me of another.
Know what, I'm so not a cat person.
Hahah, kind of scared of them.
Can you feel the happiness despite the photo not being very well-taken?
The sacred thing in life.
:D
Anyway, I just thought of what to post.
Hahaha.
Ciao!
♥ much loves, 4:51 PM
Where has it gone.
I'm losing my faith.A while ago, I exclaimed, "Holding On!", determinedly.
Now, the determination is slipping from me.
Holding on?
I think so.
I hope so.
(:
♥ much loves, 12:47 AM
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The art of Gratitude.
First, side-track first.Lol, I'm very dumb.
Well, the situation is that my mommy's Air-Con is spoilt so the repairmen are coming later.
A minute before, my doorbell rang and as my mommy was talking on the phone, she nudged me to open the door.
Not only did I open my door, I opened the gate as I thought they were the repairmen.
Turned out that they were not, and the guy kept on standing in my way to close my gate.
Scared me like hell.
:/
Finally he retreated.
So people, don't be stupid and anyhow open your door.
D:
Laughs!
Okay, back to my title.
Heh heh, I listening to my favourite song now.
Hohoho, oops, straying from topic again.
Wait a minute, I introduce you all my favourite song, WAKAKAKA.
It's by Queen.
Never hear before?
Fret not! That's a very old band.
Some background information.
The lead singer, Freddie Mercury, had a very great voice which had a very extremely wide range.
Anyway, he's a gay which died of AIDS in 1991.
:/
Tralalala, I was born to love you, all time favourite.
(:
Okay, back again to my title.
Nowadays, people always take things for granted.
Let me state all the things I've taken for granted.
1. Everyday I'll wake up to find that my mommy has made my breakfast.
2. My daddy will drive me to school everyday.
3. My pocket money.
4. YianLu will always meet me in the canteen every morning.
5. HeeHee, everybody will just be there for me.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I always take things for granted.
Let's see.
Scenario 1
One day, you asked Mary, who has a little lamb, to go and help you take a book and it's really urgent.
Well, it turned out that the lamb has pooed and Mary needed to clean it up and in turn she totally forgot about the book.
Therefore, you got real angry with Mary as you had landed into trouble due to her forgetfulness.
At this point of time, you had probably taken Mary for granted as you thought she will get the book for you no matter what, hence you became angry.
This type of things just happen so often that it simply shows that every one of us has the habit of taking things for granted.
Yea, it's time to break the habit.
:D
I'll try la hur, but apparently, a habit is hard to break.
D:
Oh yea, I found my friend.
I really don't care what reason made you treat us in this way.
I'm glad you're back, and that's that.
Welcome back, Z.
I know you had your reasons, and I trust you.
:D
♥ much loves, 3:34 PM
Monday, June 9, 2008
Take things as they come.
Heh, the haircut was no disaster.Phew.
:D
Yeapps, so everybody, the R&B of the SunshinePlaza is good yea?
Pay a visit if you ever want a haircut.
I hate hairdressers who just doesn't understand a simple 3 word phrase-'Keep the length'.
Sometimes it's just plain sickening that they'll just chop off 3 inches of your hair without so much of an after thought.
People wait for their hair to grow out for 3 months and you just snip it off in 3 seconds.
Crazy!
Hahahahaha!
Tralalalala.
I shall not care so much or be affected by you.
I mean it this time.
I don't know why, this time it seems so possible.
Perhaps I'm used to it, perhaps I'm too tired to care, or perhaps I just can't be bothered to care.
I hope that I do not see you often is because you are chasing and working hard towards your dreams.
You have my regards and best wishes.
All the best, is all I can say.
This is all I can do.
:D
Oh ya, you know what?
I'm so going to find myself an angmoh boyfriend next time.
Singaporeans are just so not cut out to be good boyfriends.
Hahaha, I know, I'm stereotyping.
Seriously, Singaporeans are workaholics who don't seem to care less about their girlfriends, don't pamper their girls, egoistic, and simply not sweet at all.
Hahha, but obviously I do not know if angmohs are like this too, just an impression.
Ohoh, I wanted to post this and NguanHan just reminded me by telling me that he hate ah bengs who wear skinny jeans.
I really really hate boys who wear skinny jeans, especially very very tight ones.
They are just so self-obsessed that they do not realise how disgusting they look.
Yikes.
Pollution to the environment.
Heh.
After our haircuts today, Patrina and I went to Lot1 to walk around.
And we saw this scence which really stunned us.
There's this girl who worked at PizzaHut and it's not sure if she's sacked or mistreated or what.
Guess she went to ask for support from her boyfriend and he, an idiot, made such a scene.
He went to sweep all the menus of PizzaHut onto te floor, and pushed the PizzaHut board of promotions onto the floor, creating such a din.
It went on for about 3-5 minutes.
:/
Then he took his girl's hand and walked away, shouting, "...BODOH...".
It's so idiotic.
And yea, he shouted a lot I just couldn't understand as he was shouting in Malay.
Then we started speculating what's going on.
Hahahahaha.
No matter what, we simply felt that even if PizzaHut was in the fault, the boyfriend's behaviour is just so embarrassing and disgraceful.
Laughs.
Yay, I'm getting my pay next week.
Anticipation.
Ben xiao jie wants to go shopping.
D:
♥ much loves, 10:42 PM
TingYan's birthday.
Hohoho.Shall summarise how we celebrated OTY's birthdays for the past years.
Oh yea, background information.
For FLY's birthday, there's the tradition of some "surprise element".
Yea, should be shock.
Due to these, all three of us cried at least once on our birthdays.
Hahahah, terrible.
Mine still not that bad, not much of these element cause they just never did quite shock me.
Lol!
2005
We weren't that great friends.
So no "surprise element".
We bought her a purple HelloKitty panty which she promptly threw away.
Yea, so you are very welcome TingYan.
:D
Lol!
Reason for throwing away being she didn't dare to tell her Mama her friends bought her a panty for birthday.
2006
Great friends were we.
Hahaha.
Fang and I went to make a chocolate cake for her, knowing how she love chocolate.
Then, made a CD of powerpoint slides and a superduper big card too.
Yea, "Surprise element" would be that both of us will turn up late and also the cake.
Agreed upon a 15 minutes wait, but XinFang went to make TingYan wait for 30 minutes.
I was holding the cake hence not being able to do anything as it was a surprise.
Oh, and I also had no handphone that time, so no way of asking XinFang to turn up.
Being afraid of being seen by TingYan, I landed myself in a pathetic position.
I went to hide in the toilet.
:/
Well, TingYan cried.
She felt that we were very mean.
Hahaha.
Then she became mean.
We took so much effort to make the cake, she didn't want to eat.
Hahaha, she didn't trust out superbbbb cooking skills.
Lol!
2007
We went to her house without telling her early in the morning, bringing along cake and sparklers.
Yea, and outside her house there's a few potted plants that her Mama grew.
So yea, being smart alecks we went to secure the sparklers with the soil of the plant.
Then we lit it when she came out.
After the whole episode, know what we discover?
We burnt a leaf of the plant, which unfortunately only had two leaves altogether.
Oops.
We made her very shocked 'cause she didn't know how to answer to her Mama.
Hahahahah!
In the end nothing happened with her Mama.
What a pity.
Laughs.
Anyway, for all these, TingYan told me that she has since developed a phobia of her birthday.
Hahaha!
Double oops.
Heh, for this year, XinFang and I decided not to plan anything.
She never appreciates them anyway.
Hahahahahah!
So, just shopping this year.
:D
So, Miss Ong, there's no need to dread your birthday.
It's only peace and quiet this year.
Hahahha!
Whoopies, I'm finally going for a haircut with Patrina today.
Hohoho!
We two keep procastinating, too lazy to get it done you see.
Hahahaha.
Vanity just doesn't fit into the schedule.
Lol!
Went to chill with her at Starbucks just now.
Hahha, we realised there's nothing to talk about.
Life is so empty.
Lol!
Her and her maple, me and my movies.
Hahaha.
Ohoh, then we went MOS.
I went to try the NatsumiFishBurger.
Heh, it's the burger that only have veggies and fillings.
It's 10 pm you see, so shouldn't eat EbiRiceBurger like some minniebell.
Hahah, it's very very nice.
(:
Provided you like those salad vegetables, unlike some minniebell who threw me all her veggies in her burger.
Lol.
Hahahahaha.
Boring life = Nothing to post.
Byebye, I'm going off to sleep now.
Tralalalalalalala.
I like to sleep.
♥ much loves, 2:23 AM
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The most truthful post. Ever.
Nostalgia.Over what?
I don't know.
Gah, I hate this feeling.
Lol, and yea, I haven't slept yet.
Just finished watching What Happens In Vegas.
Wanted to watch it with TingYan then Crystal, but never got around to watch it.
I wonder why.
Hahaha.
Well, it's great.
(:
Anyway, during the CO concert, was chatting with Kenneth.
We were thinking who will be the friends who will stick by even after we graduate and leave school, embarking on different journeys that doesn't seem to have paths that intersect anymore.
I pride myself on being one who is adaptable to changes and able to adjust to a new environment.
Yet, I cannot describe this fear in me, of leaving everyone that I have come to know of dearly.
I really don't wish to graduate.
Let's face it.
This school suck.
It does.
With the limited facilities and God-knows-where-it-end-up-with-Budget, I don't know how can this school carry on.
Moreover it is a fact that the standard of the school is dropping year after year.
Hopefully this new principal will bring about a much needed change.
Well, anyway, back to the school.
To me, regardless of all these flaws, this is the environment which I have spent 4 years of my life in, which is in fact, a quarter of my life right now.
I cried; I smiled; and I laughed.
We bickered; we fought; and we patched things up.
Memories and more memories that make me feel so overwhelmed.
Can I realy bear to leave this place?
No.
I guess this will really be the place where all my true and dear friends will be.
After I grow up, there will be too much competion, rivalry and office politics that friends will be so hard to come by.
Yet, I think that all of us will end up going in different directions, towards our own aspirations and goals.
Once, the independent self inside me, had thought, " We shouldn't succumb to peer pressure. We should all choose the path that suits us best.".
Till now, I still agree.
Yet, something deep inside just hoped and wished that everything will remain as it is.
Once, the idealistic me had thought that even if we entered different institutes to pursue our own dreams, we can all still remain great friends.
Yet, thinking about it, how is it possible?
Life in the next 2/3 years will be so fun and packed.
How do all of us stay together?
Drifting apart will occur and right now, I'm already starting to dread it.
I hate all these.
Terribly.
It's like, I know this is inevitable yet there's just nothing I can do.
The feeling of helplessness is so consuming that I don't know what to do.
There are just so many things I want to cling on to and never let go but it is so impossible.
Great, this is life.
Somehow, 2 years ago, I might have said.
Seperate?
No sweat, we'll still stay together.
Presently I just want to say, dream on.
The little girl's dreams and fantasies have been burst.
Come on, grow up.
I think Crystal will know what I mean.
Hah.
It's really no fun going to a whole new environment all by yourself.
Last year, I went to this weird class called 3T1.
It has a bunch of geeks and nerds inside.
Friends?
Nah.
I went in there, cheerful and bright thinking that all will be fine.
Thinking that XinFang, TingYan and I will always be the besties ever.
Nah, don't get me wrong.
I'm perfectly fine with how FLY is presently.
Yeapps, I went into the class thinking that the next 2 years will be fun-o-fun.
Bullshit.
I went into the class and what was I given.
Homework after homework.
Goodness gracious.
The stress level and competition was so very very high.
It's so darn scary.
Even me, the one who doesn't really give a damn about my studies back there, broke down and cried twice/ thrice in the first 2 months.
And, the worst thing was, there was simply no one I can turn to.
No one.
No one from outside the class seemed to understand what was going on in the class and how suffocating it was.
Yet, in the class, there was simply no one who I can talk to.
One can just feel so darn lost and terrible.
Well, beside studies, I just kept thinking that I am drifting away from XinFang and TingYan.
Despite their reassurances, I can't help being insecure, paranoid and sensitive.
When we just knew our classes, I was darn happy for them that they got into the same class.
At that point of time, the two of them were still not that great together.
So I thought, "Great!"
Yea, two months down the road, feeling so miserable and being the idiotic, self-centered and mean person I began to think in the manner.
"Why must it be this way that the two of them get into the same class?"
"Why am I the outcast?"
and
"Was coming into this class a wrong decison?"
Vulnerability, and the fact that no one could understand just make things worst.
The inner struggles with yourself.
Oh, know what?
The first term of Sec3, I got the result that is the best I've ever gotten.
Yet, I wasn't happy.
What's the use?
Really, it seemed so insignificant.
And this.
Is all I could make out of my Sec3 year.
I had happy moments.
Yes, but all those weren't enough.
The agony, hurt and confusion is truly what I can remember clearly.
Even geting the BestCheerleader doesn't seem like anything.
That year, my friends keep changing.
Every 2-3 months, I'm seen with different good friends.
For this period, I'm with A and B.
The next, it's C, D and E.
There's nowhere that you can feel that you belong.
The effort that people always try to make me feel welcomed was felt and appreciated.
Yet.
It's just so unreal.
Yea, and it's in that year, I grew up.
What's the bullshit about eternal things?
What's the bullshit that things will stay?
When you are not the one feeling the pain, you have no right to speak.
When you are the one having the fun, you lost the privilege to say that everything is fine.
"Friends come and go."
Suck it up and live the life.
Things have since changed.
Obviously, they improve as the situation can't be much worse.
I made new friends.
Some friends that went away, came back.
And, I have learnt to love my class and to defend them.
But, the main point is, do I have to go through all these again?
Do I?
♥ much loves, 4:29 AM
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Hohoho!
Heh, was late for the Chinese Orchestra Concert because I lost track of time.D:
Was misled by WeiLi cause he was still telling me he's going to bathe at 315, when the concert is at 4.
:/
Guess his house was that near.
Grr.
Hahaha.
Okay, he commented that recently my posts have more and more spelling mistakes.
Yea, because my word check of blogger is gone after I changed my computer.
Not too sure where to get it back though.
D:
Yea, but I shall be hardworking.
I will ensure my posts have no spelling errors from now on yea?
Hohohohoho!
Anyway, I was rushing like mad.
Have you ever wonder why the damned buses always like to mock at you when you are in a rush.
One will always see it.
Yea, see it...see it leaving.
Well, apparently I have to cross the overhead bridge to get over to the intended bus stop.
Nice, I saw 190 while I was going up the stairs.
I think I roll down the stairs also cannot catch the bus.
:/
Well, anyway, I was wearing flip flops and a white shorts.
It just rained.
Rain = Wet Ground.
FlipFlops+ WhitePants+ WetGround =......DIRTY WHITE PANTS.
I didn't realise how dirty it was until I reached home, and the worst thing is WeiLi, Kenneth and ChzeKian also never tell me.
~!@#$%^&*()
Hahaha.
I show you guys a very very very nice picture that made Kenneth and I darn enthusiastic.
TADA!
Us and MrsLee!
Cool!
Heh, and it is so disgusting that both Kenneth and I are wearing stripes.
Eewww!
:p
This is random, but I prefer :p to :P.
Know why?
'cause :p has a bigger tongue.
Hahaha, looks cuter.
(:
After the concert went to Lot1 MacDonalds with the 3guys.
Lol, and I remembered that I didn't like ChzeKian when we were in Sec2.
At the memory, I began to laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
Don't get me wrong.
He didn't do anything.
Yet, the my impression of him is just waaaaaay bad.
Lol, so don't judge a book by its cover.
Heh, now I like ChzeKian so much that I don't like to eat chicken.
Actually, it's true that I don't like to eat chicken now, but, heh, obviously it's not because of ChzeKian.
Lol!
Chickens have a very disgusting taste that makes me want to puke.
I'm serious.
Especially those steam chicken.
Yikes!
Fried chickens are welcomed though.
Hahahah!
Okay, today's tuition was great.
I'm so very very pleased.
He's not so restless today.
I'm oveeeeeer the moon.
WoooooHooooHooo!
Oh, and WeeKiat made me crazy for about 15 minutes.
Hahaha, he very dumb go and mention "Kindaichi Shonen No Jikenbo".
Then...I though of handsome Matsumoto Jun and I went bonkers.
Lol!
MOMOOOOOOO!
Okay-STOP!
Hahahahahahahaha, even WeeKiat say he's handsome.
Tralalalalalal!
Heh, happy happy!
:D
Oh, I want to explain why I don't believe in eternity love.
1. What the hell is love after death?
Yes, someone died, you still love the deceased.
Great, but when you die, does the love still remain?
That's just beliefs that love still carries on.
Well, when one dies, one's brain ceases to work, one's heart stop beating.
So, where's the love then?
2. Men just suck.
I don't understand why boys/guys/men can be so sex-driven.
What the hell is wrong with them?
You have a girlfriend/wife and you still fool around.
I don't think Singaporean men are faithful, it's just that:
i) others are ignorant of what they do
and
ii) some men stray mentally but not physially cause they're scared of getting caught.
Yea, I know this is stereo-typing.
There are good men around too.
For these good men, kindly refer to factor 1.
:D
Hahaha, well, the opinions are mine and mine only.
Love is a beautiful thing, I just have doubts of eternity love.
That's all.
Cheers for love.
(:
Spread the love and kindness around yea?
<3
♥ much loves, 10:29 PM
Boring Day :/
Okay, changed song.Hahaha, hurt too emotional le.
Happy happy song now!
(:
Heh, Jamie said I am mad to post everyday.
Well, I would like to go through the archive next time and see how the year had gone.
(:
Yeapps, last time I only post when I felt frustrated or whatever.
Yet, somehore, that time was like treating my blog as a rubbish bin.
Heh, shall I shall be more blog-friendly and post no matter what mood I am in.
Sheesh, later still have to go to the Chinese Orchestra Concert later.
100% don't feel like going but have to root for Jamie yea?
Hahahaha.
All the way babe!
(:
Later after concert still have tuition with HongJie.
~!@#$%^&*()
Hahahahahah.
Quiz by YEOZHENGWEI:
1.What’s the definition of good friends means to you?
Being there for one.
2. Who is more important to you? Friends or Boyfriends?
Tadadadada, I am single. Hohoho, to hell with boyfriends. :D
3. Who is the person you trust most?
A girl named tohjiale. (:
4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
This depends on the situation.
(Eg, I am very confidant of being crazy!)
5. Who is your idol?
Depends too, many people have different things for others to learn from.
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Definitely, of course not literally in Sinagpore.
Yet, optimism rules, provided you think that rainbow represents the positie things.
:D
7. What is your goal for this year?
Do well for O level.
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
No, but I believe in lasting love, just not ever-lasting.
There's a limit to little girls' fantasies.
(:
9. Have you broken someone’s heart that she/he tried to commit suicide?
It's an obvious answer...No!
10. What feeling do you love most?
Being appreciated and the warm feeling after you have done something you deem correct.
11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
Love me. Hahaha. The others depend, who can control what you like?
12. What is the biggest change you would like to see in the world.
Peace.
13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
I try to.
14. Between money and love. Which one ?
Another obvious answer...Love!
Hahaha, girls just love love.
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Since it's thngs and not people...Optimism!
Tralalalala.
16. Do you love anime?
Same as XinFang, I like kDramas.
(:
17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words.
I LOVE HIS CUTE NOSE!
18. Would you go back to the past if you have a chance to do so?
Nope, what's done ,done.
No point.
19. IF you had one wish right now, what would you wish for to come true?
I wish that everyone involve in the recent disasters would all be able to walk out of the shadows.
20. What do you want most for your birthday?
Hmm, just a gathering.
(:
Instructions:
Remove one question from above and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post.
1. Amos
2. Jamie
3. LinXin
4. Patrina
5. TingYan
6. Vera
7. WeiEn
8. YianLu
♥ much loves, 11:17 AM
Friday, June 6, 2008
Cheers for sister!
Heh, she went for her driving test.Sadly, she failed cause she continues to drive though it was an orange light.
Well, hope she pass next time!~
:D
Heh, I finish watching 27dresses.
Veryveryvery happy, cause I actually wanted to catch it in cinemas but it was the band competition period...so no time yea?
A little regret that I didn't catch it in theatres.
:/
I'm going on to watch StepUp2, another show I miss because of band competition period also.
Hahahaha!
:D
Lalalala, catching up on lost time.
After this break it will be muggings and muggings.
:D
Tralalalalalaa.
The "de-deng" made my day!
Craziness!
Well, that's what I am.
Craziness Toh.
(:
PATTTTTRINNNAAAA DARLLLIIINGGGG and LUUULUUUUUUUU,
want to go out and chill?
♥ much loves, 5:13 PM
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Home sweeeeeeeet homeee!
Heh, I suddenly love staying home and my mommy's bed.:D
So comfffyyyyyy!
Lalalala!
Hahahahah.
Hmmm, this holiday shall be a lonely one, I guess.
(:
Alone time.
And, yes, I spy someone weraing a red MANGO tee.
~!@#$%^&*()
Hahahaha.
I'm jealous, MANGOMANGOMANGO, my trademark.
:/
Lols!
Stop procastinating.
(Selfishness can be seen from small acts.)
Where'd you go?
I miss you so...
♥ much loves, 11:16 PM
Tired T.T
Just finish with Patrina's blogskin.Darn accomplished.
:D
Did it in 3 hours.
:)
Catch it here: Patrina's blog.
It's quite girlish, hahah, one I would never be caught dead using.
Of course, it suits our feminine Patrina.
Lol!
It's quite annoying why the skins I do always screws in mozilla.
Whatever~
Going off to sleep.
Nights, people.
:D
♥ much loves, 2:20 AM
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I'm elated.
Hehheh!Back from studying at BPP MacDonalds with Amos and MingHan.
Eh, productivity is quite okay.
Hahahahaha!
Well, the two of them left at 1o while I stayed for another 45 minutes.
Then, was rather annoyed by one girl's incessant laughter.
It's okay to laugh loudly, but can you please ensure that your laughter is pleasing to ear?
Hers is just quite...disturbing.
It's deep and weird to a certain extent.
Hahaha.
So, apparently was very irritated by them and hence, have very bad impression of them.
Lol.
On my way home, realised this girl and her friends are heading home too.
They took the short cut through the park, while I being very scared of walking through the park alone at night, took the long way.
Then, coincidentally, we met at another junction which is the end of the short cut.
(So, it is evident that I'm walking at a faster pace.)
Well, then the girl bade the guy farewell.
I carried on walking as I seriously am irritated with them.
Hahahaha.
(Can you imagine a girl can laugh for 45 minutes and allowing her laughter to ring through the entire MacDonalds?)
Then this guy continued to walk at the same path as me.
I was quite puzzled why he could kept up with my pace as it was really quite fast.
"Ahem...AHEM!"
At this point I really am irritated.
Why you nothing to do AHEM me?
So I heck care him and being childish I sped up hoping to leave him behind.
Lol!
Craziness.
Anyway, I crossed the road.
"Excuse me?"
I turned.
He took out a knife and wave it in my face!
Horrors of horrors.
(Nopes, I'm just kidding.)
Okay, he just wanted to ask for directions.
Hahahaha.
Apparently he's an Indonesian who has came to Singapore to study.
So I tried to explain but found it quite hard so just asked him to follow me to my block then I can point him the way.
He made small talks and I asked him his block.
He finally told me that he couldn't remember.
I was like...(O_O)
So in the end I ended up walking him to Fajar,his home, rather than just pointing his way.
Then he made me very happy by saying " xie xie jie jie." and " jie jie hen hao" hcause he know he's sec2 going on 3 while I am sec4.
Cool!
Hahahaha, then he asked me for my phone number and I gave him a look of disbelief.
Hahahaha.
And I said " No need, byebye!~"
So, I find this whole incident very funny.
Cause while I found him and his friends irritating I ended up walking him back to his place.
Craziness in the world.
Anyway, was just very happy after this incident.
It's scientifically proven that people who do kind acts, people who were helped and people who witness this kind acts will experience a "happy hormone" release.
:D
So, let's do a good deed everyday.
Beautify the world and you soul.
:)
This is an idealistic world that is so not going to happen.
Obviously this is a world we all want but I doubt it will occur.
Lol.
Somehow, as you grow order, reality gets in the way.
):
Dreams seem more impossible and out of reach.
It's doable!
(:
Hahahaha, you know when I was Sec1, I once though of spending the holiday after Os to just do voluteery work.
Yet, now, I just want to work and earn money to spend.
This is bad.
:/
Let's see what I'll do.
):
Mugging marathon.
Venue: Anywhere.
Time: 7am to 10 pm, with breaks in between.
SIGN UP NOW!
*grins*
I'm currently in my highhighhigh mood, but it's 11.34pm.
D:
Shall go jump down my house.
Can I survive a 20 storey jump?
Stay tune to the straits time.
I might make the headlines.
;)
♥ much loves, 11:13 PM
PAIN!
Today woke up quite early to mug.Then...Then..Then... at 1o o'clock I suffered from the most painful stomachache I ever had.
It was a real torment.
I almost want to cry.
I cannot walk or stand up.
So I squatted and leaned against the wall until I was able to crashed onto my mommy's bed and slept for 2 hours.
Craziness, don't even know what caused it.
Lol!
Very alive and kicking now.
Wowwweee.
Hahahaha.
Out to study later.
Zzz, I need motivation sia.
Keep getting off-course.
TOHJIALE!
YOU FOCUS, IDIOT!
THERE'S SERIOUSLY NOT MUCH TIME LEFT.
LAZY ASS.
:/
Okay, very motivated.
Go bathed and outoutout I go.
Byebye.
Everyone work hard!
And, XinFang, well done for keeping to your schedule.
*Thumbs up!*
Heh!
Your blog doesn't have a tagboard you see.
Hahaha.
Jiayou (:
♥ much loves, 2:11 PM
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Horrors
Just realised my blog look supersupersupersuper ugly in MozillaFirefox.Hahahahaha!
So, please use InternetExplorer, yea?
Good.
Lol.
♥ much loves, 11:55 PM
Accomplished.
Yay, changed my blog heading.Found it quite plain and ugly.
Heh!
Next up, creating a blogskin for Patrina.
Haha, cause she commented that she feel like starting a blog again.
(Which would most probably die due to her addiction to Maple.)
Hahahahah!
So, Patrina, if you feel infuriated that I am cursing you blog, sustain it.
Heh!
I'll be watching.
:D
I'm feeeeeeeeeeeeling bored.
D:
Heh, this kitty very cute and funny.never fails to bring a smile to my face.
Lol.
I present to you....GARFIELD.
Lols.
A lot of people kept on saying I look lie cats and garfield.
Hahaha!
I don't...do I?
Hold on, yea?
Dreams and aspirations may appear to be daunting, sometimes to the extent of impossible.
Fret not, try.
Just try.
As simple as a word it is, as short as it is, it can do wonders.
♥ much loves, 10:31 PM
Monday, June 2, 2008
Overwhelmed by everything.
Learning Journey-Indiana Jones.It's great.
The movie is good, I would say.
:D
Pat, Lu and I shared popcorn.
As we shared with others, like Eugene Koh,the popcorn was passed back and forth, and it toppled.
Three quater of it spilled out to be exact.
Lol!
We were so pathetic at the end of the show, on our knees trying or best to clean the mess up.
:/
Was actually a little irritated with certain people who sat near us.
What's the problem with clearing your own thrash?
Moreover, bins were provided.
Taking it and walking over to throw it in.
Is it very difficult?
Perhaps they are crippled or something.
No initiative at all.
Mommy.
Felt quite bad towards her.
:/
She cooked my share today cause I had forgotten to tell her that I wasn't eating.
Then, I'm currently not at all hungry.
Yet, outside, I also didn't had my dinner, just don't feel like eating.
Think she's a wee bit upset.
D:
Kind of waste her effort to cook.
Sorry, mommy.
Heel.
I'm really quite concern about my heel.
Will go for a check up soon.
Mood.
Heh, was very high and crazy after school.
Then at Takashimaya suddenly lost the feel.
Lol.
:/
Somehow, felt that something is weighing and tugging at the back of my mind.
Just a gnawing feeling.
Sheesh, I hate this kind of feeling.
D:
Ugh.
This suck.
Just kind of troubled lately.
Over what, I can't seem to point my finger to.
The smile just can't reach the heart and the eyes.
It just, merely touched the lips.
Merely.
What's going on.
Solitude.
I need.
Feeling extremely tired and troubled.
Shall go and sleep it off.
Good night.
Sweet dreams to all.
♥ much loves, 9:45 PM
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Not at all pretty.
I'm feeling kind of restless and not exactly in a beautiful mood.Depression, perhaps?
Hahahaha.
Hmmm, after talking to LuLu felt loads better.
Thank you!
I won't take your advice though.
Hahaha, I learn my own lessons, but I know you'll always be there.
Just for me.
Thanks a lot.
At the very least, if I fall, I know you'll be there, waiting for me to get up on my feets again.
:D
I believe in myself.
As complicated as it it, I will overcome it.
Regardless what the outcome is, so be it.
Life, no rehearsals, no scripts.
The director is me.
The producer is me.
The decision is mine.
Everything lies in my hands.
Mine and mine only.
If ever was I to look back, I doubt I will regret.
Given the same time, same mentality, same ignorance of the future, I bet I would do the same thing again.
A 99 precent chance of failing and getting hurt.
So be it.
Somehow, I'm really not scared.
That not exactly a good thing, is it?
Hahaha.
Being afraid just kind of spoils everything.
Being afraid of losing just prevents you from winning.
Being afraid to love just prevents you from being loved.
Being afraid to try just deprives you of your chance.
So, don't be afraid.
Give it your best shot, regardless of what others say.
I'm just feeling a teeny weeny lost.
Throw me a compass and map, I'll be right on track.
;D
I love music.
It just heals everything.
(:
一步一脚印。
每多一步，我便更坚定、更自信。
I believe.
Heh, heh!
On a super happier note, guess what?
It's my 100th post.
Lol!
First time I got a blog that got a hundred post.
Three digit yea?
Ain't that cool?
Lol!
:D
Let's all take out the party poppers.
Woohoooooo!
♥ much loves, 11:44 PM
