♥
I'm just a girl
who turned
sixteen.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Two ends of life.
Great, guess what.
"What?"
I'm back.
How can I be so motivated at one point and so restless the next.
Fact:
Home is not a good study place.
Should have gone to Woodland to study.
Stupid mistake to stay at home.
Damn inefficient.
Wasted.
Bored.
Irritated.
Moodless.
&, I suddenly believe in horoscope.
:/
Never before have I believe in such things.
LOL.
But, to place everything under 'coincidence' is kind of weird too.
Ha.
I'm not a Capricorn.
;D
I'm damn frustrated.
Thanks bitch.
For helping me collect stuffs from school.
(:
The flower that caused my heartbreak, and the fabulous coffee which prompt me to give the cup a kiss.
Don't understand?
Go figure.
♥ much loves, 10:40 PM
With the engine churning.
HOKAY.
I'm not gonna blog too often k?
Don't miss me!
(:
In times like this, I find that I love working hard.
'cause it's been too long since I've work.
Since I've put in all my very best.
Since January-April 2006.
Yes, it's that long.
So, it's time to start.
Start to have a goal in mind and work towards it.
I'm not going to think whether will I grab my 7 or 8 a1s.
I just want to know, at the end of the day, I've tried my best.
It doesn't matter what I get, (well, actually it does.) but how much effort I put in.
Wouldn't want you to catch me crying in Junuary next year.
I'll be beaming.
(:
It's time to bathe, and study.
Bye people! (:
♥ much loves, 10:14 AM
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Grah.
Don't you think sometimes, life just love making a fool out of people?
As I grow older, I find that my temper ebbs.
Not 'cause I've turn kinder but rather, the energy to be angry is lost.
To retort.
To make a stand.
To be yourself.
It's no longer that appealing and it gets more and more tired.
Why try and explain when others shut their ears?
Why try and make a point when nothing works?
At the end of the day, nothing really matters.
'cause sometimes, words do get it their ear.
But, look, there it goes, out of their heads.
It does matter, indeed.
But, I told myself to not care.
Not everything goes in your way.
To take the easy way out, I nod.
I agree.
I accede.
I don't go against the current.
It's not right.
But going with the flow suits my laziness.
There's no point in swimming against the current when you well knwo all efforts are futile.
I do my part.
You're not going to do yours?
Okay.
At least, I did mine.
♥ much loves, 12:15 AM
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Happy!
Thank you, the little GUY, who like to wear SUNGLASSES as the LIGHTBULBS are too bright. Those GOOD LIGHTBULBS make a BAD birthday GIFT.
You make my day.
<3 YOU LA!
LOL.
(:
You're quite wise, a sudden realisation.
Thanks for being the listening ear.
Thanks for having the time.
Thank you so much, so much and so much more.
♥ much loves, 11:57 AM
Internal turmoil.
Sheesh, I've been thinking about this since yesterday.
Help vs. Independence
Don't you think that by always rendering help to other, you're causing them to be overly-reliant on you?
Let's say, you friend has a problem regarding his homework.
He calls you, and you quickly help him solve it.
Always ever-efficient.
Yes, at the first glance, you're very helpful, always there for him.
But, on second thought, aren't you causing him to be very reliant in the study aspect?
You will instill in him a mentality that whenever he has problem in that area, he could always approach you.
When time goes by, he'll become too dependent, won't he?
Yesterday, I just thought.
Only by experiencing, will we become independent.
Only by experiencing, will we clearly know what's wrong and what's right.
No?
Yes, you can always help him in his work, for one year, or maybe another.
However, are you certain and affirmative that you'll always have the time and energy to help him?
No.
Helping is kind and good.
But too much of it is really harmful.
The other party will be so reliant and dependent that he'll be so childish and immature in that aspect.
Does it really pay to be kind?
Not really.
D:
I was thinking, if you always help this person in his academics area, then won't he still have the same mentality form secondary 1 till now?
His study habits, and leraning style has not mature.
And year after year, he will still need someone to push him onto the track.
He'll not like self-discipline to do his work himself.
He'll not have any drive to ask himself to work hard.
One day, if you just disppear, won't he suffer?
Moreover, even if you ensure that you'll alwaye be there, it's undeniable that he had not grown at all.
Yes, emotional growth can't be seen but it can be felt.
As in, I'm not saying that all of us shouldn't ask for help.
Yet, think.
Do you only ask for help when you're really very helpLESS.
Or do you ask for it 'cause you lazy to grow uo and be independent.
If it's the latter, it's time to change, 'cause you're making yourself to be a dependent being.
Sometimes, we do things that cause ourselves not to grow, so we can still be dependent on others.
:/
&, another thing.
When others help you, you should be grateful, right?
You have your time.
I have mine.
If I'm using my time so that you can have more time, you should be grateful right?
This is not your right.
Don't you dare abuse it 'cause you nearing the limit.
Driving me towards exasperation.
Trying so hard to help you and some idiotic thing that is deem more important than this.
So, I'm wasting my time?
Thank you.
♥ much loves, 10:56 AM
Thursday, September 25, 2008
All I can say.
After everything, all I can do is to say, "JIAYOU."
'cause only by believeing will things start coming true.
'cause only by working hard, will you reach your goals.
& I'm sure you can.
Say goodbyes to tempations.
Wave hello to the books.
(:
Let's not live to regret.
25 more days.
48 more days and I can yell "Hooray!"
LET'sGO.
g-o-GO.
♥ much loves, 7:46 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
My mama-mia!
Haha, I'm supposed to be typing notes...but, well, here I am.
LOL.
Both my brother and I realised that my mama is like an attention-seeking kid.
When we're studying, she'll keep coming to pester us and talk to us.
LOL.
& I'll go, "MAMA, stop talking to me, I'm trying to concentrate."
*Tick tock, tick tock...5 seconds went by*
"Eh AHLE ah, you know, that day..."
She'll sontinue to talk to me.
:/
Recently the topic is about milk and dairy products.
:p
It's really very hilarious as most mums will just leave their children alone.
Ha, she's really very cute at times.
BUT.
She does gets on my nerves.
HAHAHA.
I'm afraid that the lil' boy ain't gonna pass his PSLE Maths.
PRAY FOR HIM, will ya?
♥ much loves, 7:15 PM
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Just to say,
My dearest robber:
'cause I know how you feel.
'cause there were periods in life I went through that.
But, no, my role is not to help you blow bubbles as there's just no use in lying/ saying things that I don't think is true.
My role is to support you decisions but not agree with them everytime.
Carry on my dear, 'cause it's your choice & it's your right to do so.
:D
& I love you.
(:
STUDIED AT WRL TODAY.
A LIL' TIME OF ALONE AND INDEPENDENCE.
ENJOYING IT.
STUDY.
IS.
BACK.
WITH.
A.
BIGGER.
IMPACT.
&, I suddenly miss everyone.
Just missing everyone.
E V E R Y O N E.
(Except for like caixinfang 'cause I saw her at WRL today.)
UGH.
Sad beyond words.
WHEN O LEVEL COME AND GO,
WILL EVERYONE JUST UP AND GO?
& IT WILL JUST LEAVE A HOLE,
A HOLE THAT NO GOLD
WILL EVER FILL.
(I tried rhyming it.)
:x
I NEED ALL THE DETERMINATION I CAN GET.
RUN BABY.
♥ much loves, 10:10 PM
Monday, September 22, 2008
Mysteries in Life.
'cause sometimes, life's just a drag.
Just so full of ironies.
Full of excitement.
Filled with tears, of laughters & agony.
Containing fun & laughter, peace & joy.
So much, so much.
Today, I just thought:
That she's having too much hope 'cause she's just so not clear with the situation, the chinese saying that goes, "当局者迷；旁观者清" dawned on me.
So true, so true.
Aren't we all like that?
At times, blowing bubbles around ourselves that'll sooner or later pop.
Hah, sometimes it's kind of interesting.
Why one party can see it so clearly while the other can't.
LOL.
Hope.
Is good yet bad.
It drives us to greater heights, stretches our potential.
Yet, it also make us seem like fools, no?
'cause in the very first place, there was nothing, nothing at all, to begin win.
Do we continue to hold on to that last thread of hope?
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
♥ much loves, 10:53 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Let's play a game, shall we?
Heh, today went to study at Woodlands Regional Library.
Ugh, my productivity these few days is really low.
D:
Tomorrow I'm going to school which is so not according to plan.
D:
Well, let's hope someboday would be surprised.
(Elaborated tomorrow)
:D
OKAY, about my blog title:
a little GUY, who like to wear SUNGLASSES as the LIGHTBULBS are to bright. Those GOOD LIGHTBULBS make a BAD birthday GIFT.
Guess a person, or a name.
(:
Have fun.
L O L.
I'm rather aimless now.
MA LE MA LE HOM.
MOTIVATION COME COME COME.
:)
I feel like playing all day long.
Yet, thinking about it, I have so long, so long to play after my O levels.
Really feeling a lil' tired.
Please, I need to work.
START YOU ENGINE BABY.
VROOOOOOOOM.
Thanks for acceding to my request.
♥ much loves, 10:26 PM
It's a brand new day!
HOHO.
It's like, SUNday already!
I keep getting a feeling that today is a school day as haven't been going to school for a few days.
:/
L O L.
LULULULULULULULULULU, did you miss me?
I bet you did, though you'll probably deny.
But, it's okay.
I can fully understand that you're shy.
:p
SUNNY SUNNY DAY.
Going to study...STILL.
Nevermind, study can be fun...When you end up not studying!
Growl.
L O L.
Ha, my dearest mummy went to attend a cosuin's wedding-buffet this afternoon.
A marriage of a couple...& their three year old boy.
:/
Really, don't have pre-marital sex.
HOKAY.
That's rather...difficult in today's society.
So, HAVE SEX.
Wait, I have a missing word.
Let's insert it in:
Have PROTECTED sex.
It's really very, very troublesome if you end up with a kid.
No matter what you do or how hard you try, it'll still be a lose-lose situation.
How can you have a baby, when you're still a baby yourself?
It's such a joke.
You'll end up losing your youth.
You'll end up losing the chance to have fun while ya still young.
Though I know all will say that they don't regret giving birth to the kid.
But, in most of their heart, at times, I bet there's a lil' regret.
Anyway, that girl that was married to my cousin, is nonsensical.
They(parents and such) ask her to go for a abortion, and she objected.
She said that she's a Catholic, so she can't as a child is a gift by God.
Well, it's rubbish when it's uttered from her mouth.
(Not that I support abortion, 'cause I don't.)
But, Catholics aren't supposed to have pre-marital sex in the first place.
So lameshit.
:/
Anyway, I just think this is a very major society issue.
Most of us grow up in an environment where we have both out parents who have rather stable financial background.
Why deprive you child of that?
:/
Zzz, such immature people trying to have kids.
Ludicrous!
L O L.
It's not really my problem anyway.
(:
I'm still bored.
STUDY HARD, TOHJIALE.
:D
♥ much loves, 12:01 AM
Friday, September 19, 2008
It's a darn, dull, dry day.
Ha, look!
There's alliteration in my blog title!
Haha, okay, I guess it just depicts my boredom all the more.
L O L.
I have nothing to post already, care to offer some idea?
Hahahaha.
D:
Eh, very bored by the wondrous subject-geography.
*Sigh*
Anyway, I was just wondering, any of you can enlighten me on the subject called shares?
I only know the crisis is caused by the bankruptcy of a company called Leyman's Brothers or something.
& AIG is in deep trouble.
Thing is, the government of USA forked out money to helped AIG.
Heard it's a sum of 85 billion?
But, why didn't they help Leyman's Brother?
I can't grasp the cause and effect of this whole thing.
I only know my dad is concerned as his business would be affected rather adversely.
L O L.
Today is the 20th of September.
Somehow it seems important.
Don't ask me why.
Don't think there's a birthday of someone important to me.
:/
OK.
BYEBYE.
I ain't suppose to be 'ere in the first place
Growls.
♥ much loves, 10:48 AM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Freak. Laughsssss.
YAY.
A NEW RECORD.
4th post in a day!
CHEERS FOR ME.
Okay.
I just wanna say:
An overly sensitive girl.
A paranoid individual.
One who thinks too much.
Cries easily.( or crybaby if you much prefer)
Darn emotional.
Guilty as charged to all above.
Sheesh.
In lower secondary, I always pride myself as the most 'man' among TingYan, XinFang and I.
GRAH.
My life always gets topsy turvy 'cause I'm too emotional.
Always crying over lil' things that affect me.
Despite all these.
Thank you, you, you, you, and you.
For always being there.
(:
Today is such a BEAUTIFUK day.
♥ much loves, 10:27 PM
(:
& I'm smiling.
With sincerity.
'cause the sky's clear, the sun's bright.
(Okay, it's night time now, shall stop lying.)
L O L
:D
♥ much loves, 9:44 PM
I'm an astronaut!
Okay, an email that was 2300+ words long was sent.
I hope it explains.
& despite being emotional and disappointed, a robber brighten my day today.
Thanks for those words.
May not seem much but really, you made me an astronaut 'cause you sent me over the moon.
You're always there.
Thanks.
Love you like loads.
It's okay.
I now know the life I want, I think.
Since, there's no more choices to make.
& I did cry when I read that small paragraph.
SO I WIN YOU.
NA NA NA.
Okay, anyway, pray tell me how you feel next time too.
:D
LALA.
I can't express the gratitude and comfort I feel.
(:
♥ much loves, 8:22 PM
'cause despite all I've said,
I doubt you understand.
& I don't think you ever will.
The sinking feeling of disappointment threatens to drown me.
To give and not expect anything in return is god-like.
Yet, you know what?
I'm no god.
I can't deny I expected a least that lil' bit of gratitude.
You promptly slap me in my face.
Was it worth it?
No.
It's kind of foolish why I thought I was caught between choosing 'cause there's nothing to choose in the very very first place.
I THOUGHT you need me.
However, I guess, you don't.
All along you're just using me.
Just using me.
Just using me.
Just using me.
Just using me.
Just using me.
Know the feeling of being used?
I doubt you ever will.
My heart ached till my eyes are sore and my nose is red.
When the eyes are stung, my heart should no longer be weighed down.
It's time to let go.
I always thought you needed me so I took everything in my stride.
But.
You're just using me.
♥ much loves, 6:40 PM
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I'm sad yet glad.
Ya, know, though this thing really dampen my spirits, it helped me made my choice.
:D
I can identify the ones.
:D
Anyway, I set a time limit.
Though it may seem rather ridiculous to allow time to decide such issues for me, I think that's the last straw.
(:
'cause the hurt is thorough.
'cause I'm not even worth the benefit of the doubt.
'cause little will know how it feels to look at the computer screen with your tears flowing down.
'cause lil' know how vulnerable and unimportant I can feel.
& that's all for today.
Tomorrow's a better day as nothing can be worse.
♥ much loves, 3:19 PM
Monday, September 15, 2008
Is it this way or the other?
HOKAY.
I heard this on TV today.
Found it rather meaning.
"
A setback is a setup towards a comeback.
"
Quite cool hur, for the guy who though of this.
:D
Anyway, I was thinking: Is human born selfish or are we driven to be by the society?
Perhaps, at time, when we're generous, others take advantage of us.
Yet, is that a reason to stop giving?
I doubt so.
That's just an excuse to be selfish.
Sometimes, in a situation, we are often given a choice to share or not.
Regardless of sharing or not, we will just not get that thing.
It's just whether others gain or not.
I guess human all have this mentality.
When I don't have it, others can't have it too.
At the end of the day, in many occasions, we can chose whether to let others have something while nothing changes for ourselves.
It's just a choice.
Yet, often than not, we just choose to be selfish.
Nothing changes for us, we don't lose or win.
It's just sometimes, human just can't stand others gaining.
Why?
Kind of sad.
Anyway, I think that people who believe that human are ALL born selfish are kind of terrifying 'cause apparently, they themselves are selfish beings.
D:
Ha.
Randomness.
HOHO.
I went to make my new spectacles & my degree dropped!
:D
Hap-hap-hap-happy!
The spectacles is expensive!
310 bucks.
:/
BYE.
♥ much loves, 6:23 PM
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I was born to love you
LALA.
I changed the blog song again!
:D
Darn happy.
My favourite song!
:D
My recent favourite colours ;)
♥
♥
♥
♥
And with so many ♥s, I end my post.
:D
♥ much loves, 2:22 PM
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Death-The unthinkable question.
That tuition kid is pissing me off.
What a lazy bum.
It's less than a month to his PSLE but he's still not doing his work.
Darn frustrated.
So I just told him, "You go home now. I don't want to teach you today." after just half an hour.
1. He's one hour late for tuition.
2. He didn't do his work.
3. He lied that he did his work.
Darn.
I'm am contemplating whether to be his tutor next year.
:x
HOKAY.
Stop ranting about this kid.
:/
Hmm, yesterday I went to a friend's grandfather's wake.
Was quite pensive as was quite affected by the whole thing.
D:
It was the first time I ever saw death in its face.
Call me ignorant.
:/
It's just that, all my grandparents passed away early.
My paternal grandfather passed away even before I was born.
My maternal grandmother and grandfather proceed to another world when I was three and six respectively.
My maternal grandmother passed away when I was in primary 5.
Though she lived with my family, I wasn't close to her at all.
All my life, I hadn't the slightest idea of what is grandparent's love.
So, when they passed on, I just acknowledged and accepted the fact.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I only remembered in primary 5, I went to my grandmother's wake 11pm at night, right after my chinese opera performance.
I only remembered everyone giggling at my hokkien name 'cause it sounded weird.
I only remembered so much.
I was at the back burning incense paper.
Standing at 150+cm, I was too short to get a close view of my grandmother.
Moreover, the coffin was closed.
I was not the least bit distressed.
Just, kind of neutral.
Yesterday, I saw my friend's grandfather lying in the coffin.
So peaceful, so at rest.
Yet, I can't help but notice the coldness of a human body.
It just got me thinking.
How can one be so filled with the warmth of blood be so cold the next second?
He laid there, hands clasped together.
So calm, so serene.
I was speechless.
I am amazed at how calm and composed my friend is, as I am aware of the close bond she shares with her grandfather.
I am awed by her courage.
I really am.
The intensity of the moment just struck me very hard.
The coldness of the body was not something I've ever saw in my life.
All around me, are individuals, so full of life and soul, so active.
Nah, it's not scary.
It's just unnerving.
:/
I'm reminded of the nights when I'll cry myself to sleep.
When I'm younger, I'll always wake up in the middle of the night, afraid that I'll wake up to find my parents dead.
Unable to sleep, I'll cry and cry till I dozed off.
When it's late and my dad had yet to return home.
My imaginative brain would get to work when I was supposed to be asleep.
It'll think up many thoughts, among which was that he would meet a mishap.
Then, tears would well up in my eyes at that dreaded thought.
I'm not afraid of death.
But, I am afraid that it would befall on my love ones.
How will I get on with my life with the abrupt disappearance of another?
Though, I understand that sometimes, death's a relief to agony and misery when people are still alive.
Yet, it's still horrible.
Somehow, we all live in a state of denial.
The unconscious belief that none would be taken away from us.
Grief.
The one friend that always accompany his friend-death.
While death befalls on one, grief is brought to many, many more.
Will my days be dulled by grief when someone near me die?
We always strive to cherish those close to us.
However, with that state of denial that none would be robbed from us, I doubt we will.
Every kind act would still be taken for granted.
As in, it's really pessimistic that you go around thinking that everyone around you will disappear tomorrow.
We'll always clung on to the hope that all will be alright till the very very last second.
Hence, I doubt anyone will really learn how to cherish.
D:
Ya know, many things seem scary to us 'cause we are ignorant.
When we're younger, we're scared of going to school.
When we're younger, we're scared of growing up.
Yet, aren't we doing all these now?
The time will be right for certain stuff to happen.
When we're going to school, we aren't afraid of it 'cause we're ready.,
When we're growing up, we aren't afraid of it 'cause we're prepared.
I think, when death's coming, I won't be afraid of it 'cause I'll be prepared for it.
I guess.
Unless it's unnatural death, of course.
Death, so unfathomable.
♥ much loves, 1:32 PM
Friday, September 12, 2008
Crystal.
Sorry YenYen.
Didn't mean it that way.
BITCH POWER.
L O L.
:D
♥ much loves, 12:08 AM
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Bubbles.
I was bathing and I was playing with the shower foam.
Haha.
Bubbles!
Laughs.
& abruptly, it burst.
D:
Some people live their life as though in a bubble.
But, with just a blow, a slight poke, everything will come crashing down.
Ha.
Beautiful as it all seem, it will just disappear, in one split second.
:/
Sad hur.
L O L.
Solid earth is the best.
Ha.
:D
It's all make-believe ya see.
(:
& goodbye 'cause nothing exciting happened.
D:
AIYER.
WHAT'S THE PROM SITTING ARRANGEMET?
~!@#$%^&*()
L O L.
Just excuses.
♥ much loves, 5:11 PM
Monday, September 8, 2008
So be it.
If you deem that as closure.
Then, okay.
Whatever I really feel, do you know?
I doubt so.
But, okay.
Your motive is just to let me get it.
I get it.
Happy?
One statement though, I believe that I can feel effort and sincerity.
It waned.
Period.
♥ much loves, 10:54 PM
Back to school.
Weetwoots, it's the first day of school!
Not much happened.
Hmm, release at 1230pm.
:/
Shocked by our time table 'cause it appears that we have several days which we're released at 1230 or 130 unlike other classes.
Today, it was just T1 which is released at 123o.
Ha.
Went to BPP with beloved classmates, namely, Crystal, JoyceTay, Mel, WeeKiat, WeiLi, Edrei, NguanHan, Brian and ChzeKian.
Talked and chatted.
I fell asleep after awhile on the table.
Zzz.
Off we (NguanHan, Brian, WeeKiat and WeiLi) to Cashew Heights to play volleyball.
Ha, it's nice seeing everyone again.
Class sitting arrangement changed again.
D:
Ultra sad.
D:
Tralalalal.
Had a great laugh in class.
People around me are just so darn cool.
Yet, they always laught at me.
D:
Ha, anyway, a random thought.
Don't you agree that as humans, we should respect others?
Gives credits when they deserve it.
Don't copy.
Well, this issue matter quite a lot to me.
Originality rules yea?
There's always souls out there copying others.
Regardless is it designs, words or anything.
BUT.
One must always remember to give credits.
:D
Moreover, isn't it even more ridiculous when someone who copies go around say"Hey, ain't that similar to my..."?
Then again, copying is an act that is so shameful.
Noboday will know except for you.
So, integrity yea?
Ha.
What a pain in the neck.
D:
Such acts gets on my nerves.
A thought to myself.
Somehow I don't really care.
Perhaps it's 'cause I feel I'm not at fault.
You give me the feeling you can't be bothered.
Well, then that's that.
If the distance is opening, there's no use I'm shovelling to fill in the pit 'cause it's just plain futile effort.
I can't feel anything.
Up to you.
Ha.
Don't really feel anything anymore 'cause I feel that it's a stupid virtual world that placed a wedge in between us.
Moreover it's undeniable that our lifestyle is differing.
Ha, once, once.
That close to it but we lost it.
Thinking through the same wavelength?
Nah.
Believe me.
Sometimes, cyberspace makes one stupid.
They becaome denser and more childish.
It's very visible.
'cause in a virtual world, there's nothing but make-believe fairy tales.
Why am I losing things to such a fake world?
♥ much loves, 9:16 PM
Sunday, September 7, 2008
It made my day. :D
Hahaha, taken from XinFang's blog.
:p
Check it out!
CLICK!
LOL.
It's really quite hilarious.
However, I can't really imagine that one fine day, I'll blog this way.
Ha!
With that, school's going to start tomorrow.
Vrooooom babies, start your engines!
:D
♥ much loves, 11:15 PM
Hello, it's 4.16 am
HOKAY.
No idea for the title but don't feel like leaving it blank.
Hmm, school's going to reopen soon.
Didn't used the time to study but played and slacked a lot.
Yet, I don't really regret yea?
'cause they're all choices in my life.
However, once school starts, discipline will enter my life.
:D
Ha, I hope.
(:
Somehow, life is rather on the down side.
Not like DOWNDOWNDOWN.
But rather, just not UPUPUP.
But, I like experiencing joy.
It's not that I have troubles.
But rather, just unhappy with things that are going on around me.
Shucks, sometimes, one just has to take it easy hur.
However, when friends totally acts and opposes your principles of life, seriously, irregardless on purpose or not, it just bother me a lot.
D:
Actions and morals that I feel are common sense are actually absent from their character.
I just makes me wonder.
What is life.
Full of surprises, nah.
More of filled with shock.
Full of uncertainties.
Hypocrisy reflected off every surface.
Blatant lies slamming into your face.
Nothing that is eternal or forever.
Nah, not a moment of emotional turmoil.
But what I've discovered in these recent days.
Heh, but still as optimistic as ever.
However, I don't know how to react, so often you'll find me in silence.
I don't know whether to reply, to talk, or just to start a casual topic.
I don't feel like interacting unless you initiate it.
I don't feel like giving opinions.
I don't feel like looking at anyone.
Kinda weird.
Sorta frustrating.
I don't push problems away.
Ya know, friends always say, "It's okay, just say, just say."
Yet, it's kind of bullshit at times.
Are they 100% sure that they won't flare up?
Are they 100% certain that they won't turn defensive?
Well, who takes criticisms well.
But, it's the extent of their attempts to accept and learn.
There's a fine line between sincere remorse and being defensive.
One who has a glib tongue and is expressive with words, can easily manipulate words and the language to fool others.
Ya know, whatever I type here, could jolly well be angry, void of emotions or sad.
It's really up to you how you would want to infer.
A few additions of '!' would turn this post aggressive.
A few swears would be vulgar and harsh.
Many ' :D ' would be joyous.
Many ' :/ ' could be exasperated.
Nah. not saying that I've feign my joy and sadness over the past months, but rather showing you how a message and tone could be altered by just adding and changing a few things.
I could jolly well edit, and edit my posts to make it appear neutral.
Just like anybody else with the slightest knowledge of literature, which all of us have.
Think along the lines of accessing tone for literature and social studies, you'll know what I mean.
So, actually, what I want to say is, anything is possible.
The message conveyed could be a trap, a sincere note or just a defensive retort.
No one will know except yourself.
Sometimes, I wonder why all of us care so much about how others think of us.
It changes everything.
We try to be less of this, and more of that.
As time goes by, we kind of loses ourselves.
Yet, who has the guts to just be themselves, arising unhappiness wherever they go.
"Be yourself.", what an ironic phrase.
At the end of the day, I just hope everyone's changes are for the best.
After they've reflected and learn.
Not just 'cause the majority deems it right.
You have to understand to know.
Don't follow blindly.
It leads you nowhere, but makes ya as lost as ever.
What is life all about?
I believe it as a journey to learn.
To change for the better in terms of character.
To mature, to think and to judge.
Not being critical about others, but rather oneself.
If there's a mirror of character, I'll purchase it.
It'll reflect off all your flaws and plus points.
But, life ain't easy.
There's a mirror of character.
You heart, soul and brain.
It's just whether you choose to reject or to heed.
Whether to search deep within or to lead a foolish and passive life.
Family, friend and strangers are like water.
Not as shiny and as reflective as mirror, but still, clear.
It guides you to look in the right places that only the mirror of character can tell you.
Some of us constantly sought the help of this mirror but others pushes it aside.
They rebel and defy.
Some openly states and acts that they do not trust the mirror.
While other act as though they are doing it but not.
Sometimes, choices we make in life disappoints others so, but we don't realise it.
Upon realisation, do you carry on and feign ignorance, do you apologise sincerely and carry on, or do you change over a new leaf.
I wonder.
I like words.
Words helps me expresses myself.
Yet, can I trust them.
When they're not from the heart, and not meant, they're nothing but trash.
However, once again, there's no black and white.
There's only gray.
It's always up to you to judge, to believe or opposes.
When we're young, we tend to give more benefits of doubts.
Yet, this process is tiring.
To me, that is.
I'll never know what's the truth.
I'll never know if I'm right, or if I'm duped.
Sincerity.
Easily faked.
That's how I can say.
Some are born actors in this world.
They live their lives as though their actors.
Some are better.
They feel that they're the directors of lives.
They manipulate others without feeling the least bit of guilt and shame.
It sucks.
Life is all about give and take.
No, not trade.
Definitely not.
Not that I give you my time, you render me help.
But rather, I'll not be angry 'cause you gave me that the other time round.
Once again, a fine line between them but what a humongous difference.
Ha.
Am I thinking too complicated or are things incomprehensible?
Ya know, I suddenly feel that everyone has a mission in life.
Who dictates them, I'm not sure.
It may be your God, or his.
Allah, God, Dua peh gong, whoever, all are equally good.
Or may hap, some feel is themselves.
Some are leaders.
Some are directors.
Some are puppets.
Some are passive audience.
Perhaps that's why life is always interesting.
Yet, there's a limit to everyone's roles.
Don't step over your boundary.
Do you believe in karma?
I do.
For every sin you do, it will be hurl back into your face.
Of course, if you atone for it, it can't be that bad.
However, there's always obstinate people who don't learn from certain mistakes.
Like me, despite sparking off so much controversies, I've never learnt to keep my mouth shut.
:/
(And yes, this is exasperation for you.)
Life's such a bother.
Yet, it's so fun.
I don't know what to make out of it at times.
Ha, you want to tell me?
Pray tell.
:D
And tada, a brand new long post.
It's 5.06 am now.
(:
♥ much loves, 4:16 AM
Friday, September 5, 2008
Desperate souls;
Darn, I so hate desperate people.
Regardless towards studies, love or money.
Anything, in fact.
Why get so tensed up in fear of losing.
Yes, yes, patriotic.
But, there's no need to uphold the motto of 'kiasu-ism', is there?
Getting frantic over your not-so-wondrous results is something I can understand.
Obviously I can.
High self-expectation and the immense pressure, perhaps coming from all corners of your life.
Yet, I sometimes despise people who succumbs to such pressure in life.
A person, who does great in his academics but has a lousy character is n-o-t-h-i-n-g, mind you.
It sickens me to see students fighting for that measly one mark when actually, what stupid difference does it make?
It may earn you a better grade, a higher self-satisfaction.
Yet, along with all these bonuses you fought so hard to get, there's also a reputation waiting for you- a desperate and irritating student
So what if you top your class, what if you improved.
Nobody really cares, except that you're desperate.
When talking about your achievements, a casual remark of how great your results are may actually result in another comment, like, "Oh, but he's/she's so irritating...".
Is that worth it?
Once you ended your school life, and step into the society, who really cares?
You mean you boss will actually ask you, "Hey, how much did you score for your science?"
"Oh, 64, but the teacher due to (some reasons) gave me another mark, and I got a B3!"
"Well done, well done."
You think that's going to happen?
I guess it's likely...
In you dreams.
Ha, getting back the Prelims results and looking at all sorts of reactions made me really amused.
Aside from friends being elated and sad, there are others who are so Desperate, with a big, big D.
Expected Reaction
Upon getting back the papers, these people will flip frantically through their paper, searching, finding for another half mark, one mark or two marks.
*Flip, flip, flip*
"Hey, lend me your paper will you?"
*Compare, compare, compare*
Self thought: There you go, you seem to be able to earn me one more mark!"
"Nah, return you."
(Off these people go to the teachers, aggressive and determined.)
It's quite ridiculous and amusing.
L O L.
I always thought these type of scenarios could only be seen in my class.
But, no!
It's everywhere!
Left, right, up, down; if you'll just observed.
;p
Ha.
Most of the time, these situations amuses me, but other times it kind of annoys me.
Especially when these people come for me.
I don't mind rendering help to those who are weaker than me in their studies.
But, not arrogant, desperate and self-centered souls.
If you're selfish, why do you expect others to help you?
Wake up.
Humans all have brains, or at least, feelings.
We only help those we like or at least find acceptable.
If you're one who typically don't help others, portray yourself as a desperate soul who uses others to climb to where you are, you won't get far.
I don't deny.
I don't want to help you.
I don't feel like answering your questions.
I don't like your attitude.
Sure, you're just an epitome of what the competitive society is.
You're just a representative of how ugly things can be.
You're just a failure in character.
But, I'm sorry.
I really don't like people who lose themselves 'cause of achievements, ranks and studies.
So what if you score well.
So what if you improved.
So what if you're a responsible student.
That doesn't mean you're a good friend.
That doesn't mean I'll respect you.
That doesn't mean you have a good character development.
And, I'm utterly sorry.
But I despise these individuals.
I've seen friends turning from harmless beings to scheming competitive individuals.
I've seen friends who once disregards studies becoming loathsome beings 'cause they got so engrossed in theirs studies.
I've seen friends who took out a calculator to estimate how well the top scorer (Edrei) scored.
I was hurt 'cause a bitter friend told me I don't deserve such a grade for English.
In such time, do we see the true colours of people.
Pathetic and sad, but such incidents are just preludes to how competitive the society is and how office rivalry can be such a dread.
Such incidents disgust me.
Yet, there's nothing I can do to improve such situations.
These people choose their own paths.
Yet, I hope they don't come and find me when they need help.
All these rants comes from an sms.
An sms from a self-centered person.
Ha.
Thank you for inspiring me to post, despite irritating me.
♥ much loves, 3:59 PM
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Those darn water droplets.
I wanted to run yesterday.
But, it rained.
I want to run now.
But it's raining.
Really, it's getting on my nerves and making me ultra cold.
D:
Say goodbye to those water droplets, I bet they'll go away and...
I CAN RUN.
Hahahahaha.
Missin' running.
Missin' the dread of running around the field 6 times.
Missin' the wind blowing across my ears.
Missin' the steady beat.
And, tomorrow's movie time.
LALA, momomomomo, 'ere I come!
L O L.
I'm running' out of steam to study.
Ha, wait.
I'll go boil some water.
;D
♥ much loves, 9:19 PM
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I'm weird.
Sometimes, I feel like a freak.
'cause it appears as though my thoughts are beyond what others can understand.
It feels so isolated, as though I'm in a world of my own, with just me, and my inner soul.
I do things my way, most of the time.
Yet, I'm beginning to wonder.
Are they right?
So many thoughts, so little room for understanding.
Why can't I play God.
& I proclaim it impossible 'cause I'm just a minute earthling with no power on Earth.
Even if I have, I'll most probably abuse it.
Why can't I be wiser.
& I deem it harder than ever 'cause I'm still learning, still grasping the concept of life.
& this is why.
this is why I'm still a foolish girl who thinks thoughts that are so complicated that she began to doubt herself.
Current state of mind:
Full of doubts.
Today is just a down-down-super-down day with all the rain hitting the roof, venting their anger.
*pitter-patter, pitter-patter*
& life stil goes on, on and on, regardless of how you feel.
♥ much loves, 6:30 PM
Doubts.
Doubts.
Doubts.
Doubts.
Entering my life with a big big BOOM.
Having doubts should not be an encouraged act 'cause it fills one with paranoia and suspicion.
I doubt characters.
I doubt motives.
I doubt purpose.
I doubt what you say.
What's all these?
Are you for real?
Why are you doing this.
Bombarded, bombardments & bombarding.
Hope to clear.
Wish to clear.
But.
Will
it
clear?
♥ much loves, 4:39 PM
Monday, September 1, 2008
It's what I call...
Cute.
And proud.
That's you.
♥ much loves, 1:05 PM
What are we all born to do?
Have you ever contemplated about life?
Why are you born into this world and what's your sole purpose in living?
Nah, I don't mean that you should think and reach a conclusion that you're useless.
And upon reaching that conclusion, you should go and jump down the building.
No, I don't mean that.
But, if you ever feel that way, please contact me 'cause I'm willing to lend you my house as I deem it possible to die if you jump down from my flat.
Anyway, I just thought that individuals who have no goals in life are...pathetic, sad to say.
I don't mind that one has no aspirations at the point in time, but still strives to be the best he can be.
Instead, I mean that if one, just follows the crowd in doing the social norm, I personally feel that it's quite sad.
All, are born with brains.
To think.
Not just to study as I guess it's rather evident that there are some who struggles with this aspect in life.
To think about the past, to ponder about the present and to wonder about the future.
Why follow the crowd when you're an unique individual?
For example, I simply can't understand all the craze about branded goods.
Well well, you have no money, but 'cause the society views branded good as a status, so you should have it?
That's kind of ridiculous.
I wouldn't mind if you bought this bag you like, which coincidentally has a brand.
Yet, there are beings in the world who only targets the branded goods.
Though they may not be as rich, though they are struggling to make ends meet, they'll still buy them.
Idiotic, hur?
What's the purpose?
To gain acceptance?
To gain approval?
Or to gain respect and awe?
One of my friend said,"Pride is priceless."
Indeed, it is.
So what if you own branded goods when all jolly well knows that you don't have money and is very broke after buying it.
No one would be envious.
Since pride is priceless, I don't think it can be measured with the amount of branded goods you buy, as they're just of monetary value.
Your life, your say.
Don't allow society to speak for you.
I'm not expecting all to lead a thrilling life, full of crimes and drugs.
Rather, lead you life according to your own principles and morals.
If you have none, I'm sorry.
No one controls lives of others.
Your future is in your own hands, same as his, hers and theirs.
So, don't do things blindly.
What are you born to do, actually?
How are you going to contribute to your friends, family, and this society?
What's your purpose of studying, since it's such a big thing in our current lives.
Somehow, we all must know our directions in life, or we'll just be puppets being manipulated.
By your family.
By your friends.
By the society.
By your girlfriends/ boyfriends.
Are we not encouraged to think?
Everyone is just so passive that no one dares to make a stand in this society, if not the minority.
Would you want a life that is just so...typical.
As in, like a clone of all others?
Since young, you do what your parents ask you to.
After growing up, what do you do?
What the society deem appropriate?
I hope not.
Hence, I like to think.
Think about about everything.
And not just that.
Reflect.
Reflections are good for health.
:D
It makes you go up one more rung your ladder of morals and prinicples.
(:
And what do I want to do, you may ask?
I want to be happy so as to motivate others on.
I like to bring smiles onto the faces of other.
I like to do ridiculous things to make others laugh.
I like to just smile to make others smile.
I want all to be happy.
I want to study, 'cause it comes rather easily to me.
I want to study to contribute to the nation and society.
Not for one's honour, not for respect.
Rather, to be able to pursue a career I want, which I currently am unaware.
I want to be useful.
I want to help.
I want to serve.
And I am willing to do so.
So all the more I should do it.
And this, is what I feel I am born to do.
What about you?
♥ much loves, 11:13 AM
