♥
I'm just a girl
who turned
sixteen.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Guess what..
GUESS WHAT..
I'm going back to that school.
Help.
May I survive the term.
I met many kind sould there.
Thanks alot!
:D
But I sometimes still wish for more..
I seriously lost my drive.
♥ much loves, 10:24 PM
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Breathe, baby.
I'm utterly sorry for not blogging.
Actually, not so.
Seriously, it's been so very very long since I've even come online.
So it's not like I'm trying to cut off my contacts or what.
But well, sorry aye!
Well, I feel a little terrible, having to lead a double life - weekdays for HwaChong and weekends for BP.
I try my best to be free.
But I only have this limited amount of time.
I'm not used to people adjusting themselves to my timetable.
But well, sigh, what can I do?
AND, I sprained my ankle on Tuesday.
Quite terrible, in fact.
It's still pretty swollen now that I just removed my smelly bandage.
I'm supposed to be strong.
Supposed to be independent.
I don't like being dependent, relying and uncapable.
I don't like being the weakest, and slowest.
Not because I'm competitive but I just don't want to be a burden.
But seriously, sometimes I feel so helpless.
It's a super pathetic feeling.
It's just a personal expectation of myself not to trouble others too badly.
But, seriously, everyone have their weak moments in life.
& I'm sorry to say, I realised, this period is mine.
I don't know what to say.
I just feel as though there's nothing for me to fall back on.
It's been long since I felt like this.
Perhaps since secondary 1 after the friendship crisis never have I felt so vulnerable.
I always thought you were just a phone call/sms away.
I told myself never to expect that.
But as time goes by, I was just used to it.
My mistake.
I'm a disgrace.
I don't like the notion that I'm not as strong as I am.
I need to be, I need to be.
But today, I felt like squatting in the middle of the streets to wail.
I don't what came over me.
PMS perhaps.
But the sprained ankle made me feel ulti pathetic.
It's really very very xin ku to walk anywhere yourself and everybody staring at you.
But I pride myself on my independence.
What the f.
Since last saturday, I realise life is not a piece of beautiful cake.
WHAT DO I WANT?
I don't know.
Studies was never the top most priority.
Friends were one of the top.
But, I'm screwing that part of my life up.
I don't know what to do.
At all.
2 years.
I still have 2 years.
24 months worth of drifting from all my friends.
Guess what.
I feel like dying.
& this is why I don't post.
'cause 9 out of 10 my post will turn out to be shit.
'cause I feel like shit.
I no longer know who to turn to anymore.
It's not the same.
"It's not as glamorous as it all seems."
I got envied 'cause I entered HwaChong.
I got "wow-ed".
I got everything I could possibly want.
But it's not enough.
It's less than satisfying.
I feel myself losing myself more and more.
And worse, I feel that I'm losing everyone of you more and more..
♥ much loves, 7:09 PM
